


I would give everything I own (Just to have you back again)

by cosmicsunset



Series: But let your love flow back to me [2]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, the 70s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:27:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 43,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25316791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicsunset/pseuds/cosmicsunset
Summary: The silence stretched between them. And when Eddie finally felt steady enough to speak again, he replied."You really know your way around words, huh? Damn it, I’m never letting you kidnap me again, look at what you did. Fuck.”Buck threw his head back with a burst of laughter.“Careful, Diaz,” Buck warned, his smile carrying a light playfulness. “Sometimes I bring unfairly hot men to deserted beaches to make them cry.”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: But let your love flow back to me [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1833727
Comments: 13
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just came back. 
> 
> Surprise. (Or not). 
> 
> This fic started with 911 week, and then I ended up becoming fond of it. And I also had some people who were guilty of insisting on a continuation, so, in addition to my assistant, co author, translator, interpreter and companion of outbreaks @PinkGold, this fic is for you guys. 
> 
> This story will be divided into a series of three oneshots, so we will have one more chapter of this current fic (bonus), and finally, a oneshot.
> 
> I hope you like it, just as I am enjoying writing. Soon, we will see a little more of these two. 
> 
> Maybe happy. Maybe sad. It's a mystery. Enjoy it!

**Los Angeles, December of 1979**

“Chris! C’mon, boy, Carla is here!” Eddie said as he greeted the smiling woman, both entering the Diaz home.

“I’m coming! Almost there.” Chris’ voice echoed over the tiny house hallway.

Eddie smiled when he heard the familiar tapping of his kid’s slow steps, even when he felt the weight of his worry and exasperation coming down on him as he went back to his desk to finish up some calculations of unpaid old bills and other debts that not even him knew it existed. Eddie had always been careful to make Chris’ school, his physiotherapy and his speech therapist his priority while paying the bills. Yet, he noticed that even if he held back shopping for trivial things, he would still be on the negative.

“The beauty of the adult life, huh?” Carla eyed Eddie as she greeted Chris on the living room, next to Diaz who had been frowning, face heavy. He was barely lifting his head up from all the paper that covered the table. “It’s hard, but you get used to it.”

“I hope I never have to get used to it,” Eddie mumbled and halted when he noticed his son was coming his way, his bag already on his back. “Hey friend, did you get everything? Finished your homework?”

“Yes, dad. But I wanted to show you something,” the boy fished a crumbled paper from his pants pocket, probably had been folded a couple of times by the same artist standing in front of Eddie.

Well, obviously he deduced it was a drawing, since Eddie had a drawer full of them, some even fixed to the fridge.

Eddie met Carla’s gaze over Chris’ head and shrugged, smiling.

“What did you get me this time?” Eddie smiled as he received the paper, but before he could unfold, Chris shouted.

“No! Dad, this is for Buck! You can’t see,”Chris said seriously, as if Eddie was holding something too precious in his hands.

Carla placed a hand over her mouth, trying to smother his laughter after seeing the stunned expression on Eddie’s face.

“Oh, I see.” Eddie mock pouted, looking sad, for Chris’ amusement. Even only seven years old, Chris knew his dad was just playing around. “I’ve been replaced by my _own_ son. So, is Buck better than I?”

“I knew something had pulled me to this house for some reason in the right timing. I could never miss the answer to that.”

Three pair of eyes turned to a familiar voice, the owner standing next to the front door’s frame. Eddie didn’t hold back his smile as he caught the happiness on Chris’ laugh. He hadn’t been the only one, if Buck’s gaze was anything to go by.

“Buck!”

“Hey, superman!” Buck have Carla a quick hug before crouching down to give one of the same to Chris, if a little tighter and careful. “How’s your strength? And where’s my high five?”

When the boy’s tiny hand slapped against his, Buck tossed himself on the ground, face contorted in mock pain, which provoked burst of laughter from Christopher.

“What kind of beans is your father feeding you?” Buck replied, lifting up from the ground and running a hand over the kid’s hair, “I think I need some of that.”

“I don’t know about that, I only know Christopher Diaz needs to go to school.” Eddie interrupted, looking at the wall clock and shrieking. “Time to go, buddy.”

“Please, dad, only five more minutes.” Chris turned to gaze at his father.

“Yes, dad, only five more minutes.” Buck widened his eyes are far as it could go. He could imagine Hen and Chim mocking him for his puppy eyes.

Eddie could feel his heart beating against his ribs, almost forgetting how to be a father and a responsible friend of these two kids, instead of only one of them. And, unfortunately, it seemed he was yet to be immune to those two set of eyes at the same time.

Against his pride, he called for backup.

“Not five, or ten, or twenty. Carla, please, can you take this two children out?” Diaz got up from his chair and gently nudging Chris towards Carla, who laughed, looking as won over as Eddie felt.

“C’mon, kid. The fastest you go, the quicker you’ll be back, an-” Buck was cut mid phrase by Eddie’s not-so-gentle elbow to his waist. “Ow.”

“Dad, don’t forget about the paper!” Chris whispered over Eddie’s ear as they hugged.

“I won’t, promise you.” Eddie chuckled, waving to his kid and Carla before closing the door and turning, only to be face to face with a new problem to deal with.

Blue eyes. Golden locks, which barely covered a well known birthmark. And a smile that always seemed to promise something mischievous.

“Hi.”

“Hello, and goodbye.” Eddie placed his hands over a confused Buck, dragging him to the door. “I’m a little busy right now, and I don’t need a distraction.”

“I need to have a words with your abuela. If she knew that this is how you treat your guests, she’d come to you armed with a wooden spoon.” Buck jammed his feet on the floor, spinning around and coming face to face with his friend’s brown eyes, only to finally pay a closer attention to his friend’s tired face, and to the bags under his eyes that screamed ‘leave me alone’ and ‘help me’.

“Buck, please.”

“What’s going on?”

Eddie sighed, knowing it would be useless to try and kick out Buck now. And if he was being honest with himself, he wanted to spend as much time as possible with the other man. Eddie had the feeling they had spent five months apart, after five consecutive _days_ without seeing each other.

Buck eyed him as he followed his friend back to the table he had been sitting at when Buck arrived the house. Pulling a chair over, he sat and waited Eddie to start speaking, but as he read what was on the papers Eddie held, and watched as his scratched and wrote numbers angrily on the edges of said papers, Buck knew.

“Bills?”

“And debts.” Eddie sighed tiredly. “I was doing the maths, it seems the expenses surpassed what I had expected. I just need to cut somethings, maybe less trips to the supermarket, be more strict with water and power usage. Maybe even do some extra hours.”

Buck shook his head, worried. Over the last few weeks, he had mentioned to Eddie about two open spots at the firefighter station, and he knew Eddie was in shape, besides having already enlisted and possessing a silver star, something his best friend would dodge whenever it came up in a conversation, and Buck never pressured Eddie to talk about it.

And Buck knew how dangerous it was to be alone with his thoughts, which sometimes can quickly morph into frustrations and worries and concerns that then becomes a big ball of anxiety. And, as Buck watched Eddie’s hand coming to his creased forehead for the third time that morning, Buck knew he needed to stop that ball from growing more inside his friend’s chest. Either way, he couldn’t stand watching this man get sad nor upset.

Day after day he had to make peace with himself for wanting to protect Eddie from any evil, even the things he didn’t have control over. At least he would try helping what was on his reach.

“Let’s go out.”

“What?” Eddie barely lifted his eyes from where he was scratching on the paper, his pencil in a tight grip between his fingers. It wasn’t until he felt warm fingers touching his chin and dragging his face from the papers did he look up to those blue eyes, staring intently at him.

“We are going out. Get ready, I’ll wait for you.”

“Buck, I can’t, I have to-”

“Funny, I can swear I’m hearing some kind of muffled noise, but I can’t tell what it is.” Buck replied, pretending to look around for the fake source of the sound, chuckling low at Eddie rolling his eyes. “Can you hear it? Sounds like a buzz, like a very annoying bug.”

“God, even my son is more mature than that.” Eddie got up, knowing it was already a lost cause. And he didn’t want to admit it, but he was ready to burst into flames if he had to do more math or if he found yet another bill to be paid.

“I can assure you that’s not the case, or he wouldn’t be my best _best_ friend.” Calmly, Buck started cleaning his nails, oblivious to the murderous glare Eddie was shooting his way. “Unlike his father. Hurry now, Diaz!”

After a few minutes, as they were ready to leave, Eddie pulled the colorful paper from the table and placed inside his jean pocket. His eyes landed on the piles of paper on the table for a beat, but he soon snapped out of it when Buck’s rough voice sounded from a some meters away.

“Ready?” he asked, opening the door and waiting.

Eddie spent minutes trying to guess, and fail, where Buck was taking him. A few moments ago he watched from the rearview mirror as the city grew smaller and now, tired of looking at the empty road, he turned to the driver as a familiar playful smile grew on his lips as it always did when he was a passenger on the beetle.

His eyes lazily followed Buck’s long legs trying its best to fit on the small space, traveling upwards to the wide hands holding steady the steering wheel. The sleeves of his green sweater were rolled neatly around his wrists, making his muscled forearms pop. Eddie’s eyes continued up, observing how his shoulders were almost curved as Buck tried to make himself as small as possible, or how his blonde locks moved with the chilly breeze coming from the open window and his beard, a highlight around his rosy lips. Lastly, but not the least important, he stared at the deep blue eyes, focused only on the road ahead.

“What?” Buck asked, trying not to move under Eddie’s long stare. His hands started to sweat suddenly.

“Nothing.”

“You’re a bad liar, did you know that?” Buck shook his head, puffing out a gush of air. “Look at the backseat.”

Before turning, Eddie arched his eyebrows in his suspicious Diaz way, something Buck grew used to after dealing with it for almost two years.

“I won’t find a black garbage bag and a shovel, will I?”

“Oh my God, and _I’m_ the kid.” Buck answered, failing to stop himself from laughing together with Eddie. “Now I know why Chris’ so creative.”

_Said the man that calls me in the middle my working hours to ask if I knew about whales’ lifespan and that they hunt orcas before going off in a spiral to explain the seaworld for almost an hour with no interruptions._

Eddie scoffed, ready to respond, until he decided against it as he turned back and saw normal paper bags instead. He pulled them to his lap and his mouth fell open, watering up at the smell coming from it. Pastries and cheese balls.

“I think I can start loving you now.”

“How to win over Edmundo Diaz’ heart: cheap but good food, check.” Buck puffed out his chest, looking proud of himself for getting the right food. “Wait, starting _now?_ What the hell?”

“Language, Buckley.” Eddie shoved a cheese ball into his mouth, moaning low and completely ignoring the outraged expression that Buck had turned to him. “Or there won’t be nothing left for you.”

“I hate you.” The blonde pointed out, grumbling, which only made Eddie laugh louder, “A lot! Just so you know, in case you didn’t before.”

“Now I know. You’re so good to me. Thank you.”

“Now you know. You’re welcome.”

Twenty minutes later, Eddie noticed the beetle turning into a narrower road, around a huge forest that enveloped the main road. It descended to a wide beach, and beyond that only a vastness of blue. His feelings caught him unaware, he was obviously unprepared for the destination Buck chose them for that afternoon. As the beach got closer, Eddie placed a hand on his best friend’s thigh, in a silent thank you, and in a split second, Buck’s hand found his. They stayed like that until they left the car, walking to the beach.

-

“So, what’d you think?” Buck asked his best friend, sitting side by side on the sand close to the ocean. Some moments had gone by, both man had been lost in thought, both gazing the sea, far away from there, until Buck managed to slowly come back to himself first.

Eddie took a deep breath, enjoying the cold breeze that’d been messing with his hair. It seemed like Buck new exactly what he needed in that moment, before he even knew it himself. Maybe one day he could put into words how much that meant to him, how much he felt cared for, for the first time ever.

“This had gone completely differently than I had been expecting, I must confess.” He answered, watching as Buck carefully stared back while eating the last remaining of the pastries, thanks to Eddie, “I thought you’re going to take me to your new apartment to help you finish moving. Speaking of that, how is it going?”

Buck shrugged, chewing as he watched the waves breaking on the sea.

“I’m slowly getting there. After living with Bobby and Athena for a while, I didn’t receive any warm reception from my neighbours. But the building is sound. A little over my budget but it’s only for the time being. I just couldn’t continue reveling on their generosity. To be a burden.”

Something like a warning siren played in the back of Eddie’s mind with Buck’s admission.

“Buck, I only know Bobby and Athena for a small amount of time, but I’m sure that you were never a bother to them.” Eddie closed the distance between them, shoulders touching shoulders to the dirty toes in the sand. It was only because the temperature was dropping and he forgot to bring a jacket, he thought quickly.

Of course.

With Buck’s silence, Eddie added.

“And… you always have a place at our home.”

Eddie felt his heart aching, feeling it squeezing as he noticed the insecurity laced over his best friend’s posture. They would often joke, fight, and over time they had become inseparable, turning into a running gag between their friends, Eddie didn’t care. What he did care was that Buck knew how much he was valued, how important he was, and how loved.

“Hey,” Diaz nudged Buck’s shoulder with his own, waiting those blue eyes to turn, even if they were suddenly afar and glazed with sadness. “I meant it. I know that sometimes I act like you’re nothing more than a nuance, but-”

_Come on, Diaz. You know it’s true, just say it._

Buck waited, unusually pacient. Quiet.

“I can’t imagine my life without you today.” Eddie declared, letting his words to be taken by the breeze and waited till they started making sense in Buck’s head. But, deep inside, he knew, after so long knowing each other, both had trouble understanding some things truly. “And neither in my future, Evan. You make me so happy, that sometimes I think I can’t handle it.”

“Handle what?”

“Feel happy. Be happy.” he completed, and smiled seeing Buck lower his face not so discreetly to clear his eyes. Sighing, Eddie picked the now empty paper bag from Buck’s hands, placed it close to their boots, and pulled Buck’s head down to lay on his lap. He didn’t know he needed that until Buck smiled up at him, eyes slightly red gazing at him. “Did you bring me here to watch the sea or me?”

“Both.” Buck’s smile widened for a moment, and he closed his eyes when Eddie started running a hand through his locks, fiddling with it the same way he did with Chris, whenever Eddie wanted a moment of peace. “Hey, Eddie?”

His hand ceased its movement, and he focused only on the man on his lap.

“How are you, really?”

‘I’m fine’ was ready to leave his lips, but Buck’s eyes asked for honesty and trust. And, well, if there was someone who should get an honest answer, this someone was right there. Eddie knew that, even though Buck gave him the space he wanted, and was so very patient, Eddie knew he needed to push his own limits, get out of his comfort zone.

Not only for Buck, or for their relationship, but for himself.

Eddie’s gaze fell on the sea, searching inside himself a place to open up what he’d been holding for months. Years.

“I’m… trying to be ok, Evan.” His fingers continued to wander Buck’s hair, trying to give some comfort to the man, who deserved the world, and some for himself, too, because he knew they were entering one of those intense moments, where both wore big boy’s pants. To talk about feelings… it had never been Eddie’s forte. But for Buck it had always seemed so easy, so Eddie knew he needed to give his best friend something in return, sometimes, even if silently. “Too many changes in too little time. To move with Chris to LA even after seeing how disappointed my parents were, to be a single dad, have sex in secrecy with my wife and separating my child from his own mother… you know, only another day at work.” he paused, “That night, when I saw Shannon-”

Buck, sensing the sudden silence, lifted his hand up to caress the stubbled face of the man that held him.

“Hey, come back to me,” he said, feeling a tiny smile stretch his lips as he watched the tension in Eddie’s jaw dissipating, even if his shoulders were still hard as rock, like so many times when Buck watched his friend drowning in worry. “If you don’t wanna talk, that’s fine.”

“No, I… I want to,” Eddie answered, but grimaced a second later, “Actually, I really don’t, but I need to.”

“Ok,” Buck nodded peacefully. “Take your time.”

“Ever since I was a kid- it’s like I’ve been taught to see the world in a specific way, see the world with the design my parents taught me.” Eddie shrugged, feeling the tension stretching on his skin. “Study, get a job, build a family. Provide, support, do my best so that this pillar never falls.”

After a beat of silence, Eddie almost didn’t catch the question, distracted by the heavy clouds coming their way.

“And who takes care of you, Eddie?”

Buck only received a small smile in return, as Eddie’s eyes were distant, looking at something in his past.

“Me, I guess. It’s never been something that I’ve placed above all else. My dad always taught my sisters and me that we could swallow what life thrown our way, and we could march on. Sit down, lower our heads, suffer… those had never been part of his teachings.” Eddie sighed, feeling a knot growing in his throat. “Men of the Diaz family needed to be steady, strong. The time you waste crying, is time lost, according my dad.

“And indeed, I followed that road, and still do, at least when dealing with myself, old habits are hard to kill. But you know...” The fingers of his free hand started picking at the buttons of Buck’s jacket. “Shannon and I never taught Chris any of this shit. We really give our everything to the kid. And there’s nothing more important than him. Nothing. And that’s why, above all that had gone between me and Shannon, I loved her. But that’s also why I was afraid to let her close to us again.”

After a long pause, Eddie let his gaze fall to find out he’d been observed by Buck, which wasn’t a surprise, but there was something in his expression, something different. His face probably expressed his confusion then, because Buck started searching for words to say, looking serious and thoughtful. But Eddie continued, feeling his words flowing freely, even if the voice inside his head told him to stop, to not lose control. He was being too emotional, too open.

Vulnerable.

“Shannon and I met at seventeen, too young and in love.” Eddie sighed again, looking at this ring finger that was now missing the ring that had sat there for years. “And then she got pregnant, which lead us to our other big step. They were great years, there had been love, but I think there always had been something missing between us. And apparently, our communication slowly became awful, and I took over taking care of the bills after Chris was born, and became absent as a husband, father and-”

Eddie noticed something might have caught Buck’s attention, because at one moment he had his head rested on Eddie’s lap, but in the other Buck was sitting up right in front of him, leaning over his arm on the humid sand, his head only inches apart from Eddie’s. His blue eyes almost competing with the ocean behind him to see who was the bluest.

“Edmundo Diaz, what I’m about to say will not only be said because you’re my best friend and because I know you. And I’m sure it is one of those universally known truths that everyone can see it except one person. You.”

That moment, like so many countless others, in which Eddie shown himself as this incredible man, Buck wished his friend could see himself like Buck saw him. Behind all the sarcasm and his ‘manly attitude’ (which Buck had mocked him of when Eddie would sometimes say something inappropriate and Buck would scold him) he saw his friend’s flaws, but also his good qualities and right actions.

“You are a marvelous dad, Eddie. And was a good husband too. Hey,” Buck held his hand up when Eddie started to open his mouth to interrupt him. “You were. And I don’t know, but I got the impression that despite all Shannon mistakes, she had also been a good wife. She’s still a good mother, who calls and worries about her son. Eddie, you have no idea how good it’s to have all that. Maddie and I didn’t have that. So, from experience, and from any other person with good functioning brain cells it’s obvious. It’s a naked simple truth.”

Eddie stared at him, frozen in place by the intensity and the wild veracity in Buck’s eyes. He felt his stomach churning, shaking his head as he felt his eyes stinging while he looked at the horizon.

“I know that Shannon and you committed mistakes, as a couple and even as parents, but you try so much Eddie, you fight everyday to give him only the best. And to see his admiration and love glazing on his eyes when he looks at you? It’s impressive.” Buck smile when he noticed the tears falling from the face he knew so perfectly, even with his eyes closed. With a soft caress, he cleaned the wet tracks on Eddie’s cheeks. “You are so gentle with everyone, why not with yourself?”

The silence stretched between them. and when Eddie finally felt steady enough to speak again, he replied.

“You really know your way around words, huh? Damn it, I’m never letting you kidnap me again, look at what you did. Fuck”

Buck threw his head back with a burst of laughter.

“Careful, Diaz,” Buck warned, his smile carrying a light playfulness. “Sometimes I bring unfairly hot men to deserted beaches to make them cry.”

“Well, God help me then.” Eddie rolled his eyes, ready respond in the same way when they felt the first drops of rain. They frowned in synch. “The beach is kicking us out after our exciting conversation. Time to go, I’ve got to get Chris from my abuela.”

Eddie, as he lifted from the ground and offered Buck a hand, creased his brown when he pulled Buck up for their walk back to the car, and unfortunately witnessed something shifting in his best friend’s eyes.

“Hey, Eddie-”

Eddie narrowed his eyes when Buck threw his jack on the sand next to the pile of their shoes.

“You remember when the other day you told me you hadn’t been to the sea?”

“Buck.” Eddie retreated a few steps from his friend, calculating and reading to arm himself uselessly with one pair of his boot, “I’m warning you, get away from me, or I _swear_ to God-!”

In a fraction of seconds, everything that Eddie could see was the boot falling on the ground before being carried over the shoulders of the almost two meters tall man. Even as the sun was still shining between the clouds, the rain started to pour, and thunder echoed on the distance, nothing what the LA sky was used to.

“Fuck! Evan, out me down!” Eddie punched on the large back, to which Buck started to laugh freely, running to the agitated sea. “I’m gonna kill you!”

That was the last thing Eddie remembered saing before darkness engulfed him underwater, so cold it felt like tiny daggers were sticking on his every pore. He swam up desperately, before finally finding the open skies above his head again. He panted, blinking and breathing hard. The rain still fell on his face as he tried to stay afloat when he noticed:

A very absent Evan Buckley.

That was so much more worrying than being thrown into a wild tide as a pseudo-storm raged on. He started panting again, not only in search of air, but because panic took hold on him.

“Buck! Buck!”

He dove again, swimming against the strength of the tide that pulled him down, because fuck it, he would go against nature if it meant finding that bastard.

Seconds later, after coming for air again, Eddie almost felt like he would sink from the weight of the arms holding his body and pulling him back to the shore. And as soon as his feet reached the wet sand, he heard the gasping and very excited voice of the only idiot on the world that could almost had drowned to death.

“Eddie, did you hear that thunder?” Buck smiled as he tried to calm his breathing, supporting himself on his knees. “Damn, they are wild today.”

“I hope Maddie won’t go missing her brother, because you’re only getting out of here dead, you mother fucker!”

It took Buck two seconds to start running away from a furious Eddie. _This storm couldn’t compete with all this anger,_ Buck though as he stumbled, freezing to death and laughing hysterically as he made for his shoes.

-

Eddie had his gaze fixed on the trees passing by them, but he could count on his fingers how many times he felt Buck’s eyes slip between the street ahead, and him. He tried keeping his face straight, even as the cold air that entered through the cracks of the window made him shiver more furiously, and he wished he hadn’t forgotten his jacket back home.

They must have broken a new record, Eddie thought impressed, after ten minutes had gone by and neither had spoken a word.

“Eddie, come on. It was fun, wasn’t it?” Buck asked hopeful, like a child trying to bargain a apologize after some mischief. “It wasn’t _that_ bad.

Buck could the a livid vein popping on the forehead of the man sitting next to him.

Sighing, he hid his worry and frustration from his face, thinking that, yes, in fact he did spoil things with Eddie. Maybe he should really start listening to Bobby when he says Buck can be a little too reckless.

“When will my silent treatment end?” Buck wanted to know, shifting his big, pleading eyes towards a seemingly very troubled Eddie, but something inside him needed to make sure. “Are you distressed?”

That was Eddie’s last straw.

“Well, Buck, I don’t know, maybe the fact that you were reckless enough to the point of throwing both of us into a high tide in the middle of a storm, and then I couldn’t find you, and also maybe, _just maybe,_ we could have been stricken by a fucking lightning. So yes, I might be a little distressed.” Eddie conceded, almost out of breath. “So can I have this? Fuck it, I will.”

Still recoiled from his friend’s outburst, Buck dared look at Eddie and noticed his entire body shivering, his arms around himself and his henley sticking to his torso. Schooling his eyes not to see more than he should, he let a few seconds go unperturbed between them.

Buck took his eyes off the road and stretched his arm to the backseat and, in a peace offering, handed Eddie, who was scowling, his jeans jacket.

“You can have this as well. If you want.”

Well shit, Eddie knew he shouldn’t have looked up at Buck, because all resentment that was still sitting on his face quickly evaporated when he met those blue eyes. His golden locks, now wet and sticking to his blushing face, from all the running they did when Eddie had been chasing him, were shining, and made his face look younger, despite the unkempt stubble.

“Please,” Buck insisted still holding the jacket with his right hand.

Sighing, Eddie put the jacket over him in a hast. It was almost just as wet as the clothes on his body, but he did feel better as he smelt Buck’s scent on the material. He nudged Buck on the shoulder when he saw his best friend smiling by the corner of his eyes.

“Shut up.”

“I haven’t said anything, in fact, I-”

His comment died on his lips when they heard a muffled choking coming from the hood of the beetle.

“Did you hear that?” Eddie looked at Buck as he whined, understanding what was happening.

“The gas is running low.”

If there really was a bigger entity somewhere looking down at them, it would probably be laughing.

“Ok, let’s push it.” Buck said determined.

“You’re joking, right?” Eddie gasped, staring at Buck’s back as he opened the door and left to the be under the light drizzle. They had practically pulled over in the middle of the road. With no one to ask for help. “No, he really isn’t. Fuck.”

“Okay, we push it and as soon as it starts moving again, we run back inside.” Buck readied himself on the car’s rear, eyes locking with Eddie’s on the other side of the car.

“What if you push and I stay back here on the driver’s seat and turn it back on?”

Buck frowned confused, his head tilting to the side, much like the dogs from TV commercials Buck watches fascinated, with Chris and Eddie.

“But then I wouldn’t have time to jump back in and-”

When Buck realized what his friend was trying to imply, Eddie could hold the tension anymore, and burst into laugh, toppling over himself against the beetle as he saw the horror on Buck’s face.

“Rude! I can’t believe you’d let me behind-”

“You should had seen your face! Gosh, I’m saving this moment forever.” Diaz said, with a more calm chuckle on his lips as he walked back to the rear of the car, readying himself next to Buck. Bating his hair from his eyes, Eddie took a deep breath. “Okay, on three.”

Buck puffed out his cheeks, shaking his head desperately.

“One-”

“Two-”

“Now!” Buck shouted, and both pushed, using all the strength they had, which seemed to work. A few seconds on and the beetle started moving on its own, and both ran back inside. “Go, go, go!”

As soon as they were both in, Buck turned the ignition key and the engine sounded back to life, provoking a relieved sigh from them, who were still trying to catch their breaths. Buck turned on the radio distractly, eyes back on the road.

_And now, the number one of the top ten most requested songs from fans. With you, the first place, Elton John with Your Song._

Even as Buck rolled his eyes, he couldn’t help the tiny smile from growing on his face as he heard Eddie chuckling.

“It’s my pleasure to be your entertainment source, Eddie Diaz.”

“The pleasure is all mine.” Eddie replied with a smile and he stared and admired the man sitting next to him. The man that had given him a day that was far from what he imagined he would ever live. Buck didn’t seem to notice the power that he had over Eddie, always making him feel like a teen, very different from the responsible teen he had been, but a teenager he had dreamt to be years back: foolish, funny and free.

And maybe, truly in love, even.

_It's a little bit funny, this feelin' inside_

_I'm not one of those who can easily hide_

_I don't have much money, but boy, if I did_

_I'd buy a big house where we both could live_

Stopping the car under a traffic light, Eddie spoke, almost a whisper to Buck’s ears, as they waited for the green light.

“Thank you,” Eddie waited Buck to turn his confused face towards him before continuing, “for today. I wouldn’t change this afternoon for anything.”

_If I was a sculptor, but then again, no_

_Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show_

_I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do_

_My gift is my song and this one's for you_

“Oh, which moment are you talking about? When you were chasing after me furious on the beach? Or when you were ready to leave me behind?” Buck asked playfully, laughing together with Eddie.

“Every moment. You are full of surprises, Evan. You are-” he gulped dryly, heart threatening to jump out of his throat, all his feelings for Buck suddenly punching him all at once. He needed to let Buck know how much he matters. “You are everything. I’m grateful for today and for every day since the day we met. I’m grateful for _you.”_

_And you can tell everybody this is your song_

_It may be quite simple, but now that it's done_

He couldn’t tell how Buck’s eyes became the exact representation of the saying his abuela loved to say about how the eyes were the windows of the souls, but Eddie would never get used to being the target of what he liked to think were looks of trust, genuine kindness, and love. No one ever looked at him like that: stealing all the air from his lungs, leaving him breathless.

_I hope you don't mind_

_I hope you don't mind that I put down in words_

_How wonderful life is while you're in the world_

Maybe it wasn’t just his gaze, but the space between them was reducing slowly, and he couldn’t tell which one of them closed the distance completely on the sudden tight space. The touch of Buck’s cold hand over his thigh, which made the moment feel more real, his blue eyes, half hidden under those long eyelashes, his breathing mixing up with his own.

“Eddie-”

“I want to give you the world, Evan.” His fingers brushed over Buck’s stubble, and he closed his eyes, noses touching.

And as things goes, fast as so many waves crashing on the sea, the moment broke when a car honked from the other side of the road, making them both jump out of theirs sits. Buck had startled so hard he almost hit his forehead against the car ceiling.

The green light shining bright, almost mockingly so.

Gulping again, Eddie snapped out of it and pulled away from Buck, the hand on his thigh disappearing. Buck cleared his throat, trying to get a hold on himself, even if his posture betrayed him. He was just as struck as Eddie.

His fingers gripped the steering wheel tight, and he pressed down on the pedal, shifting gears mechanically as they found themselves further and further away from the beach.

-

As she cut the onions to finish preparing the tortillas she knew both her grandson and her great-grandson loved, Isabel ventured a quick glance towards Chris, who was on the living room watching cartoons. Her attention turned back again to the radio. At the end of the day she always turned on some music, enjoying the distraction while she went on with her chores.

She heard a car parking on the street as she sauteed the onions and tomatoes. The familiar sound made her smile while she cleaned her hands on her apron, making her way towards the door with quick paces.

She couldn’t hide the surprise when she opened the door and saw both men walking her way completely wet. She covered her mouth with her hand, surprise morphing into amusement.

“Edmundo what happened to both of you?” Isabel asked, looking at the Evan’s and her grandson’s barefeet. She recognized Eddie’s used boots in his hands, completely soaked and covered with sand, but she couldn’t remember the jean jacket he wore. “A tsunami caught you on the way home?”

“Something like that, abuela.” Eddie replied, holding back rolling his eyes as Buck giggled behind him. Shaking his head with amusement, he gave her the mail he’d found sitting on her mailbox. “Is Chris doing alright? I’m sorry we’re late, we lost track of time.”

“He’s fine, watching his cartoons on the living room.” Isabel answered, and before he could ask, she continued, “Yes, he finished his homework.”

Buck, as he exchanged a quick glance with Isabel, felt the familiar pride settling back into his chest as he watched Eddie getting into his ‘dad mode’.

“Evan, come on in. You both need to get warmer and drier if you don’t want to catch a cold.” She opened the door wider, giving them space to enter. “I’m making tortillas!”

“Yes, you’re more than welcome to stay.” Eddie answered Buck’s silent question, tapping on his own stomach, with a sudden realization of how hungry he is. “Chris will love to see you.”

Isabel checked the mail in hand, and as she expected, most were bills, power, water, phone… except the last letter. Frowning as she recognized the stamp and the address to Rámon and Helena in El Paso. She put all her mail on her apron pocket, predicting it was better to wait till she told her grandson, given the circumstances of the couple’s last visit to LA.

Buck whined when he remembered the state he let his apartment. He left work and went straight to the Diaz house, but he couldn’t put it off being away from home this long, not with the new and not-so-friendly neighbour.

“I’m really sorry, but I have to go. I still haven’t gone back to my apartment today, but I appreciate the invitation.” Buck tried to hug Isabel goodbye, but she took a step back, holding her hands up as she dodged the taller man’s hug.

“Oh no, not covered in sand you won’t!” She said, moving away from his still stretched arm and ignoring the kicked puppy expression he was giving her, and the amused smile on Eddie’s face. “But I’m getting you some tortillas for your to take with you. Just a moment.”

Clearing his throat almost hesitantly, Eddie turned to Buck, who shifted his gaze to his bare feet. His mind suddenly provided him with images of what had almost happened inside the beetle, and he was overtaken with embarrassment. And judging by Buck’s blushing cheeks, he suspected he was thinking about it too.

“I’m sorry if that was too much… back in the car.” Buck apologized to Eddie, looking at him through his lashes, hoping that he hadn’t overstepped the limits too early. He knew he could be impulsive at times, and always take the first step in every situation. But, in that moment, it felt like it was just the two of them, isolated from the rest of the world, away from all obligations, charges and mostly fear.

He knew that Eddie was scared of entering another relationship after his break up with his ex-wife, but there was also a discomfort knowing how close they were, and to come in terms with having feelings for another man, was a new territory, which could be easy in Buck’s eyes, but he wasn’t naive. He knew that for Eddie, things couldn’t easily be thrown away.

And honestly, he was scared for Eddie and himself too.

In less than an hour ago, the fear seemed to become invisible on the moments prior to their ‘almost kiss’.

Eddie must have noticed something on his face, because he creased his brow as if looking for something to say. Checking quick to see if there weren’t anyone in sight, he sighed and closed the distance between them, colliding against Buck’s front into a tight hug. For a brief moment, he remembered the countless minutes they spent like that in the empty disco, and he couldn’t help but close his eyes, his heart squeezing as he reminded himself that they couldn’t do that in public.

He still had his prejudices, personal obstacles to be deconstructed, but the fear that something might happen to this man he held, that made Eddie feel safe whenever he felt his insecurities and fears beating against his chest, was unthinkable. An irrational fear as big as thinking of losing Christopher.

“It wasn’t too much, Evan.” Eddie breathed deeply on Buck’s neck. His hands, which looked small inside the jeans jacket, gripped tight the green sweater Buck was using. “Thank you again.”

“Actually, I think I’m feeling pretty lucky.” Buck whispered on Eddie’s ear, closing his eyes. He held Eddie like he wanted to hold this moment and the entire day they had. “We’ll meet Sunday? I need my two assistants to paint all the walls.

“Of course, we’ll be there.” Then Eddie, against all his better judgement, pulled back from Buck and begun stripping off the jacket, but Buck’s hand landed over his, stopping his movement.

“Stay with it. You can give it back on Sunday.” Evan had been staring at Eddie wearing his jacket ever since he first put it on, and the satisfaction still haven’t left him. “I wanted to say goodbye to Chris, but I really need to go.

Buck waved goodbye, but halted when Eddie seemed to remember something in a jolt. He grimaced while he took a carefully folded, and extremely wet piece of paper from his pocket, and curiosity quickly overtook Buck.

“What’s that?”

“It’s a letter from Chris, he asked me to give it to you, but I only remembered it now.” Eddie gave it to him, and he slowly opened it. “It’s a miracle it’s still intact and not lost somewhere in the sea.”

He felt affection squeezing his heart, which was already full of emotions the Diaz next to him peppered him with, now there was another Diaz that shared that same space. He tried telling himself that he was only emotional because he was receiving his first letter from Chris, but he knew that in reality, it was much more than that.

“Ah, no.” Eddie stopped Buck before he could unfold the paper completely. “He had been strict and clear when he prohibited me from reading. Orders are orders.”

Isabel came back with a bowl full of tortillas in hand, silently observing the moment her grandchild and Evan smiled at each other, completely at a lost about their surroundings. Not even the smell of tortillas would snap these foolish men out of it, she thought as she shook her head.

_These two were too obvious, God help her old heart._

“Edmundo, enter and go change your clothes, now!”

The man almost jumped out of his skin, a step away from toppling over Buck, who widened his eyes as if remembering where they were.

“Abuela!” Eddie felt his cheeks growing warm, suddenly feeling way more younger under Isabel’s piercing gaze. “I’m not a child anymore.”

“Oh,” Isabel laughed, walking past him and giving Buck the bowl, “not in my eyes, mi chico. And you, eat them all! Don’t forget to bring my bowl back.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Buck bent over to receive a kiss from Isabel on the cheek. “I’m going now, thank you and see you soon, Diaz’s.”

He waved to Isabel and Eddie, his eyes resting a tad longer on his best friend’s hazelnut ones before getting inside the beetle. They both hurried back inside after watching the car moving away from them. Eddie didn’t waste time before finding Chris, who finally noticed his presence and greeted him with a long hug and a customary smile.

“Dad! You’re all wet!” Chris pulled a face as he touched his dad’s shirt under Buck’s jacket.

“Edmundo Diaz! Are you sitting on my couch without having changed your clothes?” Isabel’s voice sounded from somewhere in the hall, and Eddie whined while Chris giggled in amusement.

“You are in so much trouble, dad.”

Eddie stared down at him, overly serious, before surging forward and tickling him, laughing with his son.

“I love you, kid.” Eddie kissed his hair, lifting up from the couch.

“I love you too.”

Dodging the storm that was Isabel Diaz, Eddie sneaked on the tip of his toes to the kitchen for a glass of water. After drinking the last of it, he took off the jacket, readying himself to go change in the bathroom when he noticed the familiar song playing on the radio. He hugged the jacket absentmindedly as he recalled the afternoon he had with Buck. A smile formed on his lips almost involuntarily as he leaned against the counter, going over the conversation they had on the beach, Buck’s words and all the mess that leaded them to that moment under the streetlight.

That Buck’s eyes were one of the most beautiful things for Eddie. Aside from the rest of the package that was Evan Buckley, which was noted by most people, getting to know him behind all that, let Eddie feeling like a fool in love, standing in his grandmother’s humble kitchen.

_So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do_

_You see, I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue_

_Anyway the thing is what I really mean_

_Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen_

Daring his luck for a brief moment alone, Eddie lifted the jacket to his face, and, as he closed his eyes, he felt his own scent penetrating the material, but he also recognized the faint perfume that screamed Buck. On that moment, all he could feel and think of was Buck. His mischievous laugh, his expressions, from the most silly and surprised to more the most serious and worried, his touch, his hug, the stubble brushing his cheeks, his smell.

_Damn it, Diaz. What happened to you?_

-

Buck had a tiny smile on his lips as he sighed and walked down the corridor after climbing the stairs to the fourth floor. He entered his apartment, throwing his soaked boots next to the door and locking it. He approached the second-hand record player he found on a friend’s thrift store near his work and placed the tonearm gently over the record, observing as if spinned around under the fleeting touch of the headshell. His room was just around the corner, but as he walked to it he almost stumbled as he recognized Elton John’s voice echoing sweetly over the small room.

_And you can tell everybody this is your song_

_It may be quite simple, but now that it's done_

_I hope you don't mind_

_I hope you don't mind that I put down in words_

_How wonderful life is while you're in the world_

Buck chuckled low as he shook his head, letting his sand covered feet guide him all the way to the other end of the corridor.

He could say that his body was present in this new house, although, his heart had stayed back in the Diaz household.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up guys, how are we?
> 
> I am returning again with another chapter of this story that is slowly approaching the end. We will have another chapter and finally, the last story of this series. I hope that for you, reading is as good as it is for me, it is writing. I'm also adding new tags and with them, we will have a spoiler idea of what's coming. I hope you like it, see you around.

“Little man!”

Christopher’s smile was filled with joy as he giggled, basking in the feeling of being wrapped around the strong arms of the man in front of him. Even with the crutches in each of his small arms, Chris didn’t give up trying to hug Buck’s broad shoulders.

“Buck! I missed you.” Chris said against Buck’s neck, oblivious to the usual emotional reaction from the tall man that hugged him against his body.

“I missed you too, buddy. How did the lunch with the _bisabuela_ go, huh?” Buck asked, answering Chris’ smile with one of his own while he turned his back to the other man on the door frame, carrying Chris on his arms as he went. “And, hey, you know what else? I’ve got a surprise for you!”

“A surprise?” It only took a single smile from the boy in his arms for Buck to lose all his determination to hide the surprise any longer. He pointed to the floor next to the lone armchair standing in the middle of the living room. There sat on a pile a couple of comics that Chris had once said he enjoyed reading. Christopher squealed with excitement in his arms.

“‘Hello, Eddie, it’s nice to see you, Eddie. Oh, I’m alright, how are you?’” Eddie mumbled to himself while closing shut his best friend’s front door, who in turn, split his attention between his conversation with Chris and smiling back at Eddie.

“How rude of me. Hi, Eddie.” Buck waved distracted as he grabbed the pile of comics and sat down on the floor next to Chris. “You can leave the supplies on the counter.”

Eddie shook his head while rolling his eyes, but his lips betrayed whatever fake hurt he felt towards not getting his boys’ attention.

_Heh, and if for some reason his heart squeezed tight, well, that was his business._

Laying the brown bags in the kitchen aisle, Eddie slowly placed away the supplies Buck had forgotten to buy for their afternoon of painting walls. As he did so, his attention was on Buck and Christopher sitting on the living room’s floor, which was covered in old news paper, some already dirty with paint, others still clean. Both were chatting excitedly about the pictures from Chris’ school books.

“And you know, my science teacher said that the Sun is the biggest star of all!” Chris’ eyes were wide with exhilaration behind his glasses, and Buck found himself lost in them. “How many stars do you think are in the sky?”

“Oh, kid, I don’t know.” Buck answered truthfully, humoring a thought about constellations and the universe. Mirroring Chris’ position, he lied down on his front, leaning on his forearms. “I think there are billions of them, maybe much more. We could count them our whole lives and we wouldn’t be able to count them all. And what do you think about Jupiter? He has some cool rings, right?”

Buck pointed to the picture of all the nine planets in Chris’ book. 

“Yes! Though they are nothing like the rings mommy and daddy used to wear.” Christopher laughed, and Buck looked at Eddie from his position in the kitchen, watching over them. In answer to Buck’s worried glance, he only shrugged and smiled dismissively. “Have you ever worn rings before, Buck?”

“No, kid. Like your dad, I’m not really a jewelry guy, but,” Buck turned his attention from Jupiter to look at Eddie again, “maybe I’ll find someone who’ll teach me to like them, one day.”

Trying to ignore the reddening of his cheeks, Eddie approached them and lied down next to his kid, who was now lying right in the middle of the two men.

“What are you guys talking about?” Eddie feigned ignorance, even under the knowing look Buck shot him from the other side of Chris. “I thought you’d ask Buck’s help with your homework, buddy.”

“Oh, you were distracting me with talk about stars and planets to get away from doing your homework, Chris?” Buck gasped dramatically while his hand found the boy’s belly and tickled him, not cointaning his laugh as he joined both Chris and Eddie.

“It’s only science, daddy.” The boy answered between the two pairs of eyes watching him amusedly.

“Could it be we are face to face with a future scientist, Buck?” Eddie asked, leaning his head on his open palm, turning to his side and contently watching his two favorite people. “You see, we could be talking to a future astronaut here. I don’t know if we can compete with that.”

“I know, right? Being a firefighter can be really cool, but an astronaut?” Buck’s smile was just as alive as Christopher’s, and Eddie could sit back and watch them for hours. “One day, when you realize your dad here is too _boring--”_

Eddie gave Buck an exasperated look, much to Chris amusement, and his small body shook with a burst of giggles.

“-- and build a rocket and go travel to the moon, and discover it's made of cheese and live there forever.” Buck sighed, giving his best sad eyes. “Would you leave your friend behind?”

“No, silly, I’d take you with me!”

“And what about me? Are you really going to leave your old man behind?” Eddie asked Chris, knowing that not even for a second the kid was taking this playful joke seriously. His loud laughs gave away no tension whatsoever, as if his boy knew he could trust them and these moments, because he knew there was no rivalry between his dad and Buck, and the men had proven that to him, time and time again. 

When Buck came to their house after work and cooked them something to eat.

When Christopher and Buck gave Eddie surprise visits at Eddie’s workplace, relieving some of the tension from Eddie’s shoulders.

Or when the three went to _abuela’s_ house to spend the late afternoon, all of them together.

If you asked Eddie when those moments had started being his favorites throughout his weeks --that were normally full of worries related to work, bills to pay, divorce papers, his parents involving themselves in his love life and still trying to teach him how to _properly_ raise his own son-- well, he wouldn’t know what to say. But he craved that warmth, comfort and familiar security he felt when it was just the three of them.

Like this moment.

“Dad, can we order a pizza full of cheese?” Chris and Buck both looked at Eddie, who snapped out of his thoughts only to realize Chris still hadn’t given him an answer about his previous question. Apparently, his son was dodging it smartly.

“Alright, only because I love you very much, I’ll let this one slide. But before anything else, go wash your hands.” Eddie sat up, only helping Chris with his crutches as Buck guided him to the bathroom. Seconds later, Buck was back, looking down at his friend who was still lying in the same position, yet with a worried expression in place, more worried than normally, at least. Buck sat in front of him.

“Being traded for a moon made out of cheese, do you need a moment? I can start painting alone.” Buck pointed at the new tins of paint Eddie had left on the kitchen counter. “I know it can be hard.”

“Shut up,” Eddie nudged him on his shoulder, rolling his eyes when Buck started chuckling. They fell silent, their eyes locked on each other, until Buckley shook his head, as if he saw something Eddie didn’t notice. “What’s wrong?”

“I can see a gloomy cloud hovering over your head. What’s worrying your mind this time, _Eduardo?”_

It didn’t matter how many times Eddie asked Buck to stop calling him that, the request seemed to go over his head unfazed. Knowing Buck, he would probably incite him to tease Eddie further if he commented, so he merely sighed. 

“My parents’ll be arriving tomorrow.” 

Buck blinked. And blinked again.

“They… are coming for Christmas?”

Diaz nodded, dragging a hand through his face, feeling that now familiar tension rising again, ever since his _abuela_ showed him the letter his parents had sent him, hours after Buck had left Isabel’s house. He had known something had been bothering his _abuela_ , but he was internally thankful that she was careful not to spoil his good humor after spending the afternoon with Buck, but the inevitable was to come, whether he wanted it or not.

“Okay. And how are you feeling about that?” Buck turned his attention to Eddie’s ankles and folded the jeans back, exposing Eddie’s skin slowly. “For the little you told me about them, they seem to be… a handful. Does Chris know?”

“Yes, I told him the next morning.” Eddie sniffed. “At least he seems to be enthusiastic enough for all of us.”

“If I learned anything after spending almost two years in the presence of the Diaz family, is that nothing shakes that boy’s good humor.” Buck smiled gently, pulling one ankle to his lap before he started folding the next hem.

Eddie nodded in agreement and asked confusedly.

“What are you doing?”

“Giving myself something to do while I wait until you finish dodging my question. How are you feeling about that?” Buck answered, lifting his gaze and locking it with Eddie’s, who was only a couple of inches apart. He wasn’t telepathic, or had magic powers to know what Eddie was thinking of, but you could say that, after a while, he became fluent in the silent language of Edmundo Diaz.

Eddie struggled for a moment in a brief silence, as he seemed to come with an agreement with himself. And apparently Buck won the silent battle because Eddie sighed and opened his mouth to answer, but as soon as they heard the soft thuds of Chris’ crutches coming back from the hallway, Eddie shook his head. Buck placed his firm hands over Eddie’s legs and gently pushed him closer.

“This conversation isn’t over.” Buck rose to his feet, leaving the other man stunned and lying on the floor in the exact position Buck left him.

Time flew by after that, and Buck felt satisfied that, after a twenty four hours shift, he had the entire afternoon to spend in the presence of the Diaz boys. His muscles were sore and his eyes stung after only sleeping a handful of hours, but it was nothing he couldn’t deal with later, now that his entire attention was on those two.

And, well, on his living room walls.

His apartment wasn’t one of the best, he knew. Even with the paycheck he got from his job in the LAFD, Buck managed what he could, together with some money he saved years back, after leaving Pennsylvania. He had been determined to build his own life away from the looks and judgements from his parents at the age of eighteen. He left without turning back. There was nothing important that tied him down to his hometown ever since Maddie had left. 

And now, Buck finally felt like his life was shaping itself. Joining the LAFD wasn’t easy, but if Maddie taught him anything, it was that they both were stubborn, almost to an admirable degree, when they really wanted something. And his job in the music store had been a great start for someone who landed in Los Angeles almost blindly. His passion for music and lack of money were enough reasons for him to reach out to Mr. Parker on the music store, and, oh, how he learned from that job and that man.

Thanks to that, he also met the Diaz family.

From day one, Buck felt welcomed into the family. It felt new for Buck to be part of a family, but he liked it, even if he was only considered Eddie’s best friend. 

He emerged from his thoughts distractedly as he watched the sun starting to set. His eyes scanned the living room, which was starting to look more like a living room than mere hours ago, even if it was still missing some furniture that was still to arrive. The armchair Chris was sitting and dutifully doing his homework, Buck thought as he watched the kid, was one he actually bought from a thrift store. 

The newspapers were scattered over almost the entire room, accumulating dirt and paint, just like the sheets over the rest of Buck’s things, except the disc player Mr. Parker gifted him. His eyes, at last, fell on his best friend next to him, smiling as he noted the jeans were still folded on his ankles. 

“I thought you had invited me here to help you paint, not to be the object of your staring.” Eddie stated lightly. On his right hand he held a large brush as he painted the wall yellow with lazy strokes. “I’ll charge more, you know.”

Buck laughed as he felt the blush rising to his cheeks, sanding down the little imperfections on the other end of the wall.

“Name your price, _Eduardo.”_

As fast as Buck tried to dodge Eddie’s retaliation, he didn’t manage to get away from a few droplets of paint as it spattered from Eddie’s brush and into Buck’s forearm.

“This is one of my favorite shirts!” Buck protested and stretched his short sleeved blue Henley, looking at the yellow drops with sorrow. He narrowed his eyes back at the man next to him, and in that moment, the smile that he loved the most was now mocking him. It was war, and Diaz didn’t seem to have realized what he started. “So it’s like that, yeah?”

“Buck, no-”

Now, minding Eddie’s faster moves as the man tried to step away from him, Buck grabbed Eddie’s forearm and painted his cheek yellow, watching as some of the paint flew to the man’s brown hair. It resulted in a downright outraged expression from Eddie’s part, and his hazelnut eyes were wide as he stared at Buck, all the while Chris, who seemed to have given up on his homework, bursted in a joyful laughter.

“Dad! You’re yellow now! Like Doggie Daddy!” exclaimed as he joyfully spoke about one of his favorite cartoons.

“You know what, Chris, I gotta agree with you.” Eddie spoke up with a dark tone, too dangerous in comparison to the laughs Buck was letting out freely while blushing. The laugh slowly died as Buck noted his best friend’s intention as he dipped his brush generously in the tin can. “So I think Buck right here could be doing much better if he looked like me, what do you think?”

“Sounds awesome!” Chris’ eyes shone behind his red glasses, and he shook in abandon as he laughed, watching his father running around trying to catch Buck, who was trying not to slip on the newspaper, stumbling bare feet on them all the while keeping an eye on the wet brush. Now, the two men stood with only the kitchen isle between them.

“Eddie, c’mon, it’s only some paint.” Buck said, trying to appease Hurricane Diaz as both circled the kitchen, each waiting the other to slip.

“Well, if it’s only paint, you won’t mind if some got stuck in you, right?”

Under Eddie’s steady gaze, Buck felt almost like he was in one of those cartoons Chris was always watching. _Tom and Jerry,_ his brain provided, and he was clearly Jerry.

“Eddie, yellow is clearly your color.” and the slow chase around the counter continued. “You should thank me for helping you find the colors that match your eyes, really, I-”

“Dad, what’s the name of that big flower?” Chris’ voice echoed around the room, and Eddie’s eyes shifted to see his son taking notes on his notebook.

“Which one, Chris?” Eddie asked, his eyes back to his _prey_ that made the mistake of slowing his steps as he also listened to Christopher’s question. Chris smiled, fixing his glasses, momentarily distracted by the imminent tussle that was about to go down in the open kitchen.

“That flower that looks like the sun, that has the same color as your face right now.” Chris said, getting a burst of laugh from Buck, who turned his attention back to Chris.

“It’s a sunflower, kid.”

And _that_ was the slip up Eddie was waiting for.

As he answered, Buck was distracted enough for Eddie to lunge forward towards him. But what he did not expect was for Buck to lose his balance and fall to the ground. Eddie tried uselessly to hold on the counter and save himself from also falling to the ground, but Buck pulled him down with him.

But that didn’t stop Eddie’s current objective.

“Eddie, wait!” Buck said almost breathless from the shock of falling and his throaty laughter. He held on Eddie’s arm, the same which Eddie held the brush firmly, and even though he was about to turn into a yellow Buckley, Buck couldn’t help feeling a familiar satisfaction as he listened to Eddie’s soft laugh mixing up with his own. Eddie had a victorious expression in place as he laid on top of Buck, not seeming to notice how the distance between them had disappeared. 

Buck’s blue eyes turned back to Eddie’s Adam’s apple, which moved as Eddie gulped, his brush hesitating in hands. Buck barely noticed that his free hand wasn’t _free_ anymore, as it held Eddie’s hips in place on his lap. His breath was shallow, as though he ran all the way from the station and back to his apartment.

“You wouldn’t do that to me, right, Eddie?” And Eddie hesitated once more, his attention shifting for a few seconds, split between a low wave of embarrassment as he now noticed the position they found themselves in and the sense of justice as he looked at those big, pleading eyes Buck gave him.

“Nice try, Evan.”

Eddie couldn’t hold back his childish giggles while he studied Buck’s face, now smeared with paint from his brush. Buck pulled out a face, feeling the cool liquid against his skin.

“Oh my God, you are the worst! Get off me!” Buck shoved him aside, trying (and failing) to ignore the renewed humor coming off of Eddie, busying himself, instead, by running a hand over his face. But by Eddie’s expression, he was probably just making things worse. “I hate you.”

Eddie shrugged, opening his mouth to answer when a knock came from the door.

“Pizza!” Chris shouted excitedly from the armchair.

“I’ll get it, just go clean yourself.” Buck gently shoved Eddie towards the bathroom and grabbed himself a moist towel to rub against his face as he walked to the front door to get the pizzas.

Buck would never forget watching the delivery man’s expression changing from uninterested, verging on bored to pure shock as he turned his attention from the pizza’s receipt to Buck’s dirty face.

“Uh, you’re Evan Buckley?” 

“I am, yes.” He smiled back at the delivery man, giving him a few bills in change for the pizza boxes. “Thank you.”

The delivery man shook his head, chewed on his gum and left the hallway hurriedly, making Buck smile wider. By the corner of his eyes, he caught one of his neighbours staring at him from a gap of her own door. Buck raised an eyebrow warily, he knew that this neighbour was a potential problem to his life.

“Something wrong, Ms. Hopkins?” Buck gave her his most polite smile, even if all he wanted to do was close the door behind him and huddle close to the warmth of Eddie’s and Chris’ laughter as they all conversed in the living room.

The woman, around her fifties, looked back behind herself and closed the distance between them on the small corridor. She carried a pile of mail with her, her face untrusty and definitely far from being the best reception he got ever since moving in this building.

“They left this in my apartment, I believe it to be yours.” He barely got a hold of the mail himself and she was already retreating her hand. Her slightly wrinkled hands gripped on her floral apron, like she was holding something back. “I hope this doesn’t repeat, I hate being bothered.” 

The small, calculated smile on Buck’s face fell.

“I am very sorry, Ms. Hopkins, I’m going to fix it, don’t you worry.” He thanked her, feeling the discomfort growing the more he felt himself being undermined by this woman. “Uh, thanks. Can I help you with anything else?”

“Actually, I’ve had a lot to worry ever since the day you moved in.” She answered, pursing her lips in disgust. “You’re one of _them,_ aren’t you?” 

“I’m sorry?” Buck blinked, taken aback by the unmovable disgust in her sweet face.

“You are one of those _faggots_ that go around mixing with respected families, like you are one of us.” Her harsh tone rose in the small hallway. “I don’t know what the landlord was thinking when he let you move in! I should write a complaint about you and your… friend!”

Buck gulped dryly, his fingers digging in the cardboard boxes in his hand. On the back of his mind, he noticed that the mail on his other hand was now crumpled.

“I-”

The woman was about to interrupt when the door opened wider behind him, and Buck let out his breath as he felt Eddie approaching him. He seemed distracted, cleaning the remaining of the pain with another wet cloth. His dark eyes jumping from the woman and back to Buck, trying to read the situation.

“Is everything alright?” Eddie asked, sensing Buck’s tension and his lost and hurt expression.

“Yeah, only a misunderstanding, let’s get back inside.” Buck gulped with difficulty, taking a step back and hoping Eddie would understand that all he wanted was to close the door and ignore the old lady for good. But Eddie, as usual, knew there was something wrong with him.

“Eddie-”

“Daddy, Buck! I’m hungry!” Christopher’s joyful voice came from the living room, unaware of the tension going on in the front door. “Did the pizzas arrive?”

“Oh my God, you are bringing a child into this? Turning him into an aberration like yourselves?” She placed a shaking hand over her mouth, horrified. “What’s wrong with you? Where’s this child’s mother? How can she let this child’s innocence be corrupted like this?”

Buck had practically a second to put the mail over the card boxes and hold back Eddie with his free arm before Eddie could lunge himself into the lady. She took two steps back, holding a third firmly on her hands.

“Don’t you dare open your dirty mouth to speak about my son, you hear?” Even if the corridors weren’t deserted and silent, Buck would have recognized the raw rage from Eddie’s voice.

“You are like diseases, everywhere I look there’s one of you!” the woman hissed as she widened her eyes at the man’s anger in front of her.

“Is everything alright, Margareth?” A man appeared from inside the apartment the woman had come from, and Buck recognized him as the woman’s husband right away from all the times he unfortunately had to ride down the elevator with one of them. The man smiled, which was actually more of a grimace than anything else, as he puffed out a cloud of smoke from his cigarette. “Do I need to call the police? Someone has to put some order around here, this faggots are everywhere, right?”

Buck pushed Eddie’s body back, feeling it shaking with anger, ignored the man murmuring more hateful words like ‘illness’, ‘everywhere’, and closed the door behind him with a loud bang. Not meeting Eddie’s hard gaze, Buck cleared his throat, putting in place his brightest smile for Chris, who stared at them attentively, still sitting on the armchair and holding one a few comics and books Buck had gotten him.

“Hey, buddy, the pizzas arrived. We have a mozzarella and another four cheeses. What do you prefer?” Buck asked, letting his eyes shift towards his best friend, who ran a hand over his face, taking a deep breath. Buck would guess he was trying to recompose as fast as he could for his kid’s sake.

“A piece of each!” Chris smiled, grabbing his crutches and getting up.

“Wow, you can bet, my friend, that me and your dad will have to eat fast if we don’t want you eating all on your own.” Buck smiled back while he grabbed the plates and cutlery from the dryer. “Eddie, want to join us?”

Blue eyes met brown, and the latter seemed to be saying so many things, things which Buck knew would be shared. Not now, though, not when they had a wonderful boy in need of their attention.

“It’s your favorite, dad!” Christopher said before taking a bite of his first piece, the melted cheese stretching while he chewed away the biggest piece.

For a moment, Eddie could easily forget what happened only a few seconds ago, looking at Chris laughing with his mouth full while Buck dipped his pizza in the ketchup bowl, both sitting in the kitchen counter where, not even minutes ago, Buck and him were having a paint war. He didn’t realize he stood there watching them for a long while, until he was called again, by a much lower voice.

“Eddie?”

Noticing the blue, pleading eyes, Eddie cleared his throat, walked into the kitchen and sat down next to Chris. He grabbed himself a piece, let himself be dragged into the conversation about sunflowers, Santa Claus and space rockets.

-

A couple of hours after their makeshift dinner and a more than welcomed distraction known as Christopher Diaz, Buck and Eddie continued painting the walls. The yellow was now dominating more and more of the living room, only a few blocks of white wall still missing, ones which Buck had decided a wallpaper would do some good. After all, why waste so much energy into painting these walls if he didn’t know how long he’d stay there?

Somehow, Buck felt a little relieved once he caught a smile growing in Eddie’s previously closed off face, as the man talked with his son. It wasn’t his usual large smile, full of energy and excitement, but something he had to hold onto, after the neighbour incident.

If it were a few months ago, in the beginning of their friendship, maybe Buck wouldn’t have been able to decipher what was going through his best friend’s mind, but Buck didn’t miss the tension lying on those shoulders, even beneath the thick layer from his checked red shirt. Buck’s eyes fell mutedly to the two open buttons on the man’s throat, before focusing back on his face.

His brown was furrowed, and his expression serious, except when Chris asked something or made a comment on his last week classes or something about his new comic books. A genuine smile grew on Eddie’s face, one that Buck could spend all the time in the world describing with his eyes closed.

And, after a tense moment of silence, Chris asked curiously.

“Buck, my school break starts this week, did you know? And my grandparents are arriving tomorrow!” He added, his enthusiasm slightly muffled by a tired yawn that he tried to bravely hide.

Buck glanced at his watch and realized it was almost nine o’clock. Almost Chris’ bedtime, which meant the Diaz’ visit was coming to a close, since the kid still had two more days of school before the winter break.

“Is that right, buddy? This is going to be a busy week for you, right?” Buck asked as he crouched to change his brush to a thinner one, and started painting closer to the baseboard. “Are you excited to see your grandparents? To eat and receive gifts?”

“Yes!” Chris laughed, leaning back against the soft back of the armchair, “Daddy said that if I have good grades, we can go see Santa!”

“Your dad said that?” Buck glanced at Eddie just in time to see the man pulling a face. He was probably remembering that one story he told Buck not so long ago about the time he puked while staring at a shopping mall Santa, when Christopher was younger and Shannon was still around. Buck couldn’t hold back a chuckle, getting his spirits up, a little. He knew Eddie would do anything not to disappoint his kid, especially on Christmas, Chris’ favorite Holiday. “You have the best dad in the world, kid.”

“I know!” Chris said proudly. His expression changed as he remembered something, and it turned more open and excited, “Did you read my note, Buck?”

Even Eddie seemed interested to learn what was written on the wet note he had given Buck on that late afternoon after the beach. And for the smile Eddie tried to hide, Buck could be imagining what he was thinking, because a foolish smile was also splattered on his own face.

“I read, buddy. You’re so good at drawing! Maybe one day you’ll become an artist, huh?”

“I thought the current plan was to become an astronaut and leave your old man behind,” Eddie answered, his bare feet taking him to his kid, who was yawning and rubbing his eyes under his glasses tiredly, trying to shake the weariness away. Eddie knew that he’d had a busy day. From morning until the early afternoon spent in Isabel’s house, and later on here with them. All added up and drained his energy.

“I can be both!” Christopher answered, letting himself be lifted into his father’s arms, being carried towards Buck. “And I’ll take you too, dad, or Buck would be very sad.”

Feeling overwhelmed by Buck’s laugh, Eddie shook his head, thankful to have that ray of sunshine in his life.

“What does the astronaut and possible artist have to say before going straight to dream land?” Eddie approached Buck, who had let go of his brush and was running his clean hand over Chris’ messy hair. Eddie’s heart was full of love.

“Goodnight, Buck.” Chris disentangled one arm from behind his father’s neck and placed it delicately over Buck’s chin, his fingers brushing on the taller man’s stubble.

“And?”

“And thank you for the comics!”

“You deserve them, superman.” Buck swallowed around the knot in his throat, eyes shifting between the two most important people in his life. “Looks like you have a long trip to the moon. Catch me some stars on the way, okay?”

Chris nodded and laughed while Eddie took him to Buck’s room, making a car’s engine sound with his mouth as he walked away, which made Buck smile softly. He sighed and grabbed two bottles of beer from the fridge, turning off the kitchen’s light as he went back to the living room. The only light now came from the moon, and illuminated the room softly. Eddie joined him a few moments later, both sitting on the dusty floor and sipping from their beers until the bottles were empty.

Eddie laid on the newspaper, feeling his back popping and letting a relieved groan.

“Old man.”

“Shut up.” Eddie chuckled and closed his eyes, enjoying the brief few seconds of silence. When he reopened them, he felt the weight of those blue eyes observing him, and some of the tension between them left the room. Sometimes Eddie would ask himself if Buck ever got tired of watching him, but he knew that if he asked that aloud, he would be getting a daring answer in return. So he put that thought aside and pulled on Buck’s arm until the man gave up and laid down next to him, both staring up at the plastered ceiling. 

Buck waited a few seconds, biting his lips before he could let out a loud laugh as he waited for Eddie to comment on what he guessed Eddie would. 

“Damn, your ceiling is so dusty, man.” Eddie mentioned, fixing his eyes on the spider webs on the corners. “The person who lived here before you didn’t even clean it up for you to give you a break.”

“I’m actually surprised it took you this long to say something about it.” Buck mocked, knowing Eddie’s constant cleaning habits. It wasn’t something out of control, he just liked to tease his friend.

“I live with a nine years old kid, so yeah, cleaning is a constant in my life.” Eddie rolled his eyes, but smiled as he remembered the number of times he found Chris’ walls completely scrawled with drawings. “And well, my mother taught us to be responsible from an early age.”

Noting the change of tone in Eddie’s voice, Buck turned on his side, resting his head on his forearm and focused completely on the little information his friend gave him about his life in Texas.

“Responsibilities were always present, always something that they would demand, and it’s not like I’m complaining or being ungrateful of everything I’ve learned, or something like that, but-”

“You never had a moment where you could complain to them. Never could say what’s really on your mind, or how you truly felt.” Buck finished for him, observing Eddie’s eyes still on the webs.

“Let’s just say we never really had a moment to talk about our real wishes.” Eddie smiled, feeling his chest heavy as he thought about his teenage years. “Adriana, my oldest sister, I admire her. She had more guts than I on so many occasions. Like how she always confronted our mother when choosing something completely different from mom’s plans. But Sophia and I, we merely followed their sayings And it wasn’t until later on that I started questioning them. And well, those aren’t great memories.”

Buck rested his forearm next to Eddie’s head and Eddie noted a question brewing on those blue, worried eyes.

“Your parents, did they…?”

“Oh, no, they never laid a finger on me or my sisters.” Eddie affirmed, yet his eyes were still far away deep in his distant thoughts. He wore a closed expression, and his eyes wouldn’t meet Buck’s worried ones again. Buck knew they both shared a similar difficulty of speaking about their past and the memories from before arriving in Los Angeles. “But, you know, there was one time when I was younger, twelve years old, I think, Sophia around nine. My father was about to get home from work, late afternoon, and Sophia was complaining about not being able to go to school. She had spent the week home since she had a terrible fever, and her mood was getting worse. So, she had to play all by herself with her dolls that _abuela_ had given her for Christmas the year prior, and she asked me if I wanted to play with her. I didn’t see anything wrong with that, and I accepted her invitation and played with her for a while.”

A sad smile blossomed on Diaz’ face, and Buck’s stomach churned, almost as if he could sense Eddie’s thoughts, predicting what had happened.

“Your father saw you.”

“Well, close enough. It was actually my mother. But when we noticed her in Sophia’s doorway… I still can’t shake that feeling off after all this time. The fear.” Eddie only seemed to come back to the moment when Buck laid his hand on his chest. “Well, after that day I knew I’d have one of those long conversations with my dad, and it wasn’t too far from his normal speech. The men in the Diaz’ family don’t need to talk about their feelings, or cry about them, ‘swallow your problems and keep going forward’.

“Ever since that day, I made it my goal to never disappoint my parents. I continued my studies, graduated from high school, and then I met Shannon. After three year, she got pregnant.” The sad smile was still there, but Eddie tried to hold back his tears. “And then, my father’s words echoed around my brain so vividly, I merely followed his steps once again and enlisted. I became the provider that I thought my family needed.”

“You were only a child, Eddie…” Buck fought with his own feelings as he imagined a younger version of the man next to him, being obligated to be someone he wasn’t from a young age, and he could imagine the consequences of that, since his own past was somewhat similar. “Maddie and I only had one another. My parents… they were never completely there. Be it school meetings, birthdays, Christmas, it was like living in an empty house, and when they were with us, it was worse.”

Eddie’s hazel eyes were watching him, blinking against the stinging in them, but the more Eddie ignored those feelings, the insecurity, shame and fear, anger and frustration, blossomed in his heart and in his mind.

“You know, it took me a while for me to realize that after everything I had been through with my parents, the lack of love, care and support, wasn’t my fault, and that I didn’t deserve any that.” Buck shrugged and cleaned the stubborn tear that fell on his cheek, which was still partially dirty with paint. “Maddie and I used to mail one another all the time, until after some months, her letters got shorter and fewer before I stopped getting news of her altogether. That is, until we met again here in LA.”

Eddie silently watched him, and he placed his own hand voluntarily over Buck’s.

“Nowadays… I can understand that people like you and I were only boys who wanted to be loved.” Buck said with a weak smile, feeling the familiar squeeze of an invisible hand around his heart that was present whenever he talked about his past. “We weren’t bad kids, we just… have bad parents.”

He watched Eddie’s face shifting, and his calloused fingers to grip Buck’s harder. Eddie’s touch was warm, almost as if he was trying to soothe both silently, until his shaky questions echoed around the apartment.

“So why do we have to live like this? Why do we need to hear those horrible words from those people? What if we never find peace?”

They stared at each other, both holding their breaths and waiting for the other to have all the answers to these questions, questions Buck had been asking himself since a younger age.

“You know, when I look at Chris, I try not to reminisce about my days as a boy his age.” Eddie let out a broken chuckle, hating the haunting voice of his father echoing around his head, warning him from showing his vulnerability in front of others. But he couldn’t help it, not with Buck. “And I think, everyday as I wake up and see that boy, I think I’ll give my everything to make sure he gets to have a happy childhood, without any of the worries and concerns I had to deal with.”

“Eddie, if it weren’t from Bobby, I’d say you’re the best father I have _ever_ met.” Buck smiled, remembering those first months working side by side with his captain and friend before his thoughts were back to the Diaz family. Lying back down on his back, Buck sighed, “I won’t ever have the experience to be a father, and that’s one of the few certainties I have in life.”

In that moment, Eddie thought back on all the moments Buck took care of Chris and himself without ever asking anything back in return. Of how some days Eddie would leave work tired to the bones, only to find Buck already at their house and playing with Christopher, or visiting his _abuela_ with them, making small favors and always volunteering to do something she asked before anyone else would. Buck had been, and was Eddie’s right hand in more than one way.

So Eddie knew deep inside that Buck’s words didn’t make sense. And if he was honest, he knew Buck had become a parental role model by acting a certain way that, for Buck himself, would be considered small actions, but for Eddie and his son, it was enough for wishing Buck was always around.

But once again, fear prevented him from saying this outloud, to cross over that invisible line, so he kept quiet.

It was with a jolt of his memory that got Eddie to frown in confusion and ask a sudden question as Buck watched him with shining eyes. Emotions were tangling up on Eddie’s chest.

“What was in Chris’ note?”

Buck hesitated for a couple of seconds, enough to make Eddie suspect something was up, but he only shook his head and shrugged.

“Just a drawing of the three of us.” Buck said, omitting some details, and gave Eddie a tiny, sad smile. “A really good one.”

The silence this time felt heavy outside and inside their hearts, as both men laid on the floor of the tiny apartment.

-

Just as fast as Eddie went through the door, the familiar smell of Isabel’s homemade cooking reached his nostrils, bringing a nostalgic smile to his face from moments of his childhood when Ramon and Helena used to take their three kids to visit their _abuela._ It was the closest his family ever got to a peaceful harmony.

“Eddito!” Isabel waved, letting go from her wooden spoon before hugging him fiercely as he came into the kitchen. “You arrived just in time. Food is almost ready, and someone here is eager to tell you the good news.”

And that someone joined them soon enough, the shuffle of his crutches getting closer as he approached the kitchen.

“Daddy!”

“Hey, _mijo,_ how was your second-to-last day of school?” Eddie crouched and hugged his kid. After an intense day at work, some of his tension dissipated as he kissed the boy’s hair, getting a scent of his shampoo. “I just heard you have some news!”

Christopher’s face seemed to illuminate the entire kitchen as he realized what his dad meant, and Isabel stepped in, giving Eddie a piece of paper.

“I got good grades, dad!”

 _“And_ received a gold star in your report, wow!” Eddie added as he checked his son’s grades. Eddie didn’t consider himself too strict with his son in any way. If anyone was the object of all his patience and support, was Christopher. He might be being biased, but Chris was the greatest kid in the world. Despite everything, Chris seemed to see the world with a brighter, more colorful filter than anyone else Eddie had ever met.

And even if his kid got the worst grades in school, Eddie still would move mountains to make him happy and to make him feel happy with himself. Far from any unnecessary load, Eddie had been serious when he told Buck he was making sure Chris had a worry-free childhood.

“Dad!”

Eddie noted he’d become distracted with Christopher’s smiling face. He was still crouching in the middle of the kitchen, and looking up, he found Isabel starting at him with a smile.

“Well, let’s sit, dinner is ready.”

Between bites and satisfied moans from both Diaz’ boys, Isabel chuckled, realizing Eddie’s taste hadn’t changed a bit from the time he was as small as Christopher and used to tug on her dress, asking politely for cookies before dinner, away from his parents pointed stares. And now thinking about them, she knew she needed to ask, feeling sorry for breaking the sweet peace in Eddie’s face.

“It looks like Ramon and Helena’s flight was postponed for tomorrow morning.” Isabel commented, watched as Eddie’s spoon hesitated mid air. “Are you going to meet them at the airport?”

“I-” Eddie stopped and sighed, “Yes, I mean to go fetch them before work tomorrow morning. Is it ok if they stay here with you, _abuela?”_

“Don’t worry about me, Eddito.” Isabel tapped Eddie’s hand slightly, her knowing eyes telling him she knew how tense it was going to be for Eddie to spend the next few days with his parents. “I can deal with them. And if I need backup, I know I can count on you.”

“Without a doubt. And don’t forget about Pepa!” Eddie laughed with Isabel, relaxing a little, even though he was still nervous about his parents arrival the next morning. Isabel suddenly remembered something, and for her wide smile, Eddie knew it meant she would bring up something unexpected.

“Your son told me about the fun afternoon you guys had yesterday in Buck’s house, after our lunch.” She grabbed the juice jar and filled Chris’ cup, who shot up excitedly at hearing Buck’s name in the conversation.

Well, so that was one more thing he and his kid had in common, even if Eddie liked to think he could hide his excitement better. But, as he gazed back at his _abuela_ and her wise eyes, Eddie knew he was failing to keep his expression neutral.

 _“Bisabuela,_ did I tell you Buck painted daddy’s whole face?” Chris laughed as he tried to chew and keep the enthusiasm going. He continued speaking, which got his dad blushing under the warm lights of Isabel’s kitchen. “And after that, daddy painted his face and we ate pizza!”

“Yes, _mi anjo_ , you told me.” Isabel smiled at Chris, aware of Eddie’s blush and his sudden interest to finish his food quickly.

So, as Eddie tried to miserably avoid Isabel’s gaze, Chris brought up a topic he really wasn’t expecting.

“Dad, did Buck tell you about the note I gave him?” His eyes shone with a child like curiosity, unaware of the turmoil happening inside his dad. “I asked, but I think he forgot.”

“He told me you drew a beautiful drawing, buddie!” Eddie praised, but he furrowed his brow. Something told him he was missing something.

“But I did more than just a drawing.” Chris answered, looking determined in a way that only Eddie, Shannon and Isabel knew so well. “I asked if he wanted to see Santa Claus with us, and then spend Christmas here!”

Eddie felt his stomach churning, and he was sure it wasn’t the food making it.

“You-” He gulped dryly, suddenly feeling his throat raspy. “You invited Buck to see Santa with us?”

“Yes!”

You see, to anyone who didn’t know Eddie and Shannon’s Christmas traditions that stuck around ever since Chris was old enough to walk, the invitation was simple and nothing alarming. But to take Christopher to see Santa Claus on that beautiful square with the fountain right in the middle of LA was something Shannon and he used to do every year. Or, if one or another couldn’t make it, Chris would go accompanied by one of them.

And, as things went, the second shoe dropped over Eddie’s head as he remembered last night, and Buck's reaction to his question. Chris could give Buck anything, and his best friend would treat it like it was one of the greatest things in the entire world. Eddie himself kept every drawing, card, note that Chris ever made.

_“Just a drawing of the three of us. A really good one.”_

“Shit.” Eddie swore as he rewinded the conversation they had after Chris was snoring in Buck’s room, the only tidy room in the apartment.

“Dad, language!” Chris laughed behind his hand, and Isabel turned her attention from Eddie to the kid.

 _“Mi amor,_ why don’t you go watch some cartoons in the living room, eh? Your father and I’ll join you soon.”

“Okay, _bisabuela.”_ Chris stood up and grabbed his crutches, balancing himself and moving closer to Eddie, “Will you speak with Buck, dad?”

Even if Eddie’s heart was beating like he had just run a thousand mile, Eddie nodded and smiled at his son with reassurance.

“Of course, Buddy, I’ll speak to him.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” Eddie messed Chris’ hair with his hand, and watched him go with a smile on his baby face. Eddie immediately crumbled when Chris was out of sight, and rested his face in his hands.

He didn’t know how long he stood leaning on his elbows, but soon he felt the comforting touch of Isabel’s hands over his. She pulled them off his face, displaying Eddie’s anguish expression in the open.

“Is he special, Eddito?” Isabel asked even if she knew the answer, holding his hands between hers. “Is he _your_ person?”

_“Abuela-”_

“Edmundo, I can be old, but I’m not blind. I know what love is, and it is exactly what I see whenever you two are close to each other.” Isabel smiled at her grandson, who, even though was an adult, tried hard to look smaller than he was. And in moments like this, Isabel regretted the years Eddie lived under her son’s harsh care.

“You’re not-” Eddie gulped drily, doing his best to ignore the stinging in his eyes, hoping more than anything that he wouldn’t see any trace of disappointment in his _abuela’s_ eyes. “You’re not disappointed? You don’t think I’m a sinner?”

“Oh, _mio nieto.”_ Isabel pulled him to her embrace, feeling his hands pressing gently against her back. “We are all sinners on someone else’s eyes. But in God’s eyes, we are all his children. So who am I to judge you? Not when I see how happy you are around that man. And Christopher too. All the time it's ‘Buck this’, ‘Buck that’, and it always calms my old heart hearing it, thinking that maybe you found your person. And Chris’s too.”

 _“Pero, abuela,_ and the divorce with Shannon, people are already talking and my parents still haven’t accepted it. If they find out-” he stuttered, and despite how calm his voice sounded, his brown eyes gave away his insecurities and fears. “I don’t want to screw things up, but it seems like it’s the only right thing to do.”

“Eddito, listen to me,” Isabel held his face between her hands, her wrinkled fingers scrubbing against the man’s day stubble, but to her eyes, he was still the small kid who would run around in her house excitedly like he hadn’t just fallen down and scraped his knees somewhere on her garden. “I love you so much. I admire immensely the man you became. You and Shannon had your time, you loved one another and brought a beautiful gift to this world. You fought to keep this marriage happy, but if now you both need to be with other people to be happy, respect that and move on.”

Eddie bit his bottom lip and shook his head, looking down, not answering otherwise.

“Christopher looks up to you, you’re his hero. And everyday that kid shows you his love, and you, yours.” Isabel continued with a smile, “And after some time I started noticing that love in Buck as well.”

“It’s not easy, _abuela,_ you know that.” Eddie retorted, feeling the knot in his throat getting tighter and the disgust weighting in his chest as he remembered Buck’s homophobic neighbours. He also remembered Buck’s shy, embarrassed expression, which threw him off. If Eddie learned anything after two years of knowing this man, was that Buck never bowed his head to anyone. Buck was pure, a ray of sunshine, even if he was mostly unaware of that.

“And isn’t life complicated, Edmundo?” Isabel questioned with a stubbornness Eddie recognized from his and Chris’ gestures. He felt a smile splitting his face, forever thankful for his _abuela_ everyday, just like he was with Pepa and his sisters. Even with all the problems that he went through, they had always been his safe net all his life.

“What would I do without you, huh?”

“Live on canned food, I’m sure.” Isabel chuckled at her grandson’s moan, because once again they were making fun of him, like it wasn’t enough listening to Buck criticizing his cooking abilities on a daily basis.

 _“Abuela,_ I… wanna fix things. What do I do?”

“Start simple.” She pointed, squeezing Eddie’s hand before retrieving the dirty plates. Eddie helped her with the glasses, following her to the sink. “Demonstrate it.”

“How?” Eddie rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and turned the water on, readying himself with a sponge to wash the dishes.

“Well, when your _abuelo_ was alive, he used to bring me flowers after his work at least once a month. The flower shop was on the other side of town, very far away from where your grandfather worked in El Paso, but that never stopped him from coming home with a simple bouquet.” Isabel smiled at the memory of her late husband. Eddie’s expression changed to something more thoughtful, and she didn’t know if her grandson understood what she meant.

Eddie’s mind provided him with images of Buck’s face dirty with yellow paint, of his excitement to discuss flowers with Chris, and how Buck’s attention always turned back to the most vivid colors on his son’s books. It weren’t tulips, or roses, or even daisies, but-

“Sunflowers.”

Eddie smiled as a plan formed in his mind.

-

Tuesday morning Buck and Hen left the locker room while chatting about trivial matters, slowly making their way up the stairs to the kitchen, where both could tell by the beautiful smell of eggs and bacon in the air that their captain had arrived earlier that morning. Buck’s stomach growled loudly.

Hen shifted her eyes at him, questioning, but Buck only shrugged.

“Hadn’t eaten since yesterday.”

“Well, we all know that’s not reason enough for your constant hunger for carbs, Buckaroo.” Hen chuckled and patted him on his shoulders, sitting next to Chim on the table, nearer to the counter where Bobby flipped some omelets on the frying pan. As they settled in, both noticed the bouquet of flowers sitting on the counter, and before Hen could open her mouth, Buck beat her to it.

“Dude! Sunflowers! My favorites!” His blue eyes shone impressed, landing on the yellow flowers, gently wrapped in a simple brown package. It wasn’t a wide, overwhelming bouquet, just a couple of chosen flowers. It felt intimate, like someone sent it for another person with a clear message of ‘hey, I was thinking of you,’ and well, a tiny, sad smile bloomed on his face as he stared at the flowers, unaware of his colleagues shifting eyes.

Sitting on one of the counter’s benches, his eyes fell back on the flowers, and a sudden feeling of longing washed over him as he remembered Sunday night.

“Well, whoever got these flowers, they’re very lucky.” Buck said, not paying attention to the playful gazes on him as everyone waited for him to get it. Buck was the only one they knew that loved sunflowers, and they only knew it for one or two comments Buck shared with the team about his personal life. “Sunflowers are not part of the winter harvest, so they had to search it on a greenhouse, or something.”

“Or something.” Chim echoed and laughed with Hen, both shaking their heads.

Bobby smirked humorously and stared at the team’s newest member.

“Must have been someone very attentive.” He turned off the stove and waved a hand for Buck to help him with the glasses and plates, “Especially cause the lucky person is you, Buck.”

Buck felt the plates almost slipping from his hands, but he managed to balance them again and hold them against his chest. 

“What?”

Bobby smiled, thinking about the brief visit from the flower’s _delivery man_ an hour ago.

“They’re yours. The delivery man said they were for you, that it was on your name.” Bobby shrugged and saved the plates before they almost fell off the ground a second time because of the weak grip Buck had on them. Buck blinked, truly shocked and confused.

“But how…” he looked back at the flowers, approaching them like they were a bomb this time. “I never received flowers before. And unless it was one of you who bought me these, no one else knows I like them.”

“Life is full of surprises, Evan.” Chim winked, and next to him Hen smiled openly while filling their coffee mugs. Bobby set the plates down, all ready to enjoy a quick breakfast before the alarm went off.

Lifting the flowers with all the care in the world that his big hands could muster, Buck stared at them as though the concept of being the one receiving them was too surreal. A secret admirer? It wasn’t unusual for firefighters to receive gifts from the people they saved, it was a gratitude act. They’ve already got everything from food to large amounts of money for their monthly donations to institutes in need. But flowers were for sure a new thing. And well, a man receiving flowers was more uncommon still.

A few minutes went by as Buck admired them, smelling their sweet fragrance that was still conserved by the package. He noted something sticking out from the leaves, a small paper hidden between them. Feeling eyes boring him, he looked over his shoulder and caught three pairs of eyes observing him with curiosity, barely hiding their interest in the note. Buck’s lips turned up and a sudden wave of nerves went by him as he readied himself to learn more about the person who somehow knew such a personal detail about him. 

_“A little bird told me you were invited to spend Christmas with us, so I’m insisting on that invitation. Would you like to go see an old man dressed up as Santa Claus scaring children in the main plaza with us and fill your stomach with hot chocolate and marshmallows?_

_With love, ‘Diaz boys’.”_

As she watched the wide smile getting impossible wider on Buck’s face, Hen chukled as she took a bite on her eggs.

“Damn, these two are worse than Karen and I _and_ Maddie and you together.”

“And they aren’t even together!” Chim protested, sipping his coffee, receiving a smile from Bobby, who watched Buck stand up with the sunflowers and step aside. “You’re lucky you weren’t around yet when Eddie brought the flowers, he didn’t need to say anything, and Cap and I already knew what it was all about.”

“Patience, guys,” Bobby answered, playfully tapping on Chimney’s shoulders, “Love takes time.”

-

You see, Eddie Diaz could normally stay calm and under control in most situations.

Obviously, to keep things under control the entire time was impossible, he knew. In all the years in his relationship with Shannon, he couldn't count how many times they disagreed or discussed things. It got worse when he enlisted, because Shannon hadn’t been a part of that decision, but for Eddie it was the most sensible choice to make, and the faster one to provide for his family. 

To be a provider.

_“I don’t need a provider, Eddie, I need a partner!”_

And maybe that was the main reason their marriage fell apart. In the end, following his father's footsteps hadn’t brought him the promised happiness that his parents apparently had. There were some moments, alone in his room, while Chris slept peacefully on his own, Eddie thought of his last few years, thinking that leaving El Paso was a good choice, and not leaving Chris with his parents, like Ramon and Helena had wanted, wasn’t, in fact, a good idea.

So, an hour in the presence of his parents after picking them up in the airport did prove that he had indeed made some bad choices in life, but to move to LA with Christopher hadn’t been one of those. They were facing a twenty minutes traffic jam, just Eddie and his parents in the same car, after he waited for their arrival. And here the three were now, together in person, but at the same time completely far away. And while he tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, Eddie counted on his head the number of times that the same thing happened.

At least he’d had Adriana’s and Sophia’s support when he lived in El Paso. 

“Is the traffic here in Los Angeles always this chaotic?” Helena asked from the backseat of the rental he got them for the next two weeks.

“We are _very_ far away from home.” Ramon butted in, and his sour expression showed how much he was enjoying being there.

“We’re less than a week away from Christmas, so it’s normal for the city to be this convoluted.” Eddie mumbled. Three days until Christmas Eve, and Eddie felt a surge of relief rush through him remembering that all Christopher’s gifts were already ensured and very well hidden away from curious eyes. He had been stuck in a couple queue lines last week, but nothing aggravating as he would imagine stores to be on the third week of December.

“Well, if we had left the airport earlier, maybe we would already be at your _abuela’s_ house.” Ramon refuted, ignoring Eddie’s sound answer. “I thought you’d only work today after lunch.”

Eddie sighed, feeling tired already even before work.

“I’m sorry for my lateness, I had to deal with an unforeseen event.”

Ramon and Helena Diaz would never know that the unforeseen event had been their son searching all around the city for a flower shop that was selling the most beautiful sunflowers he could lay his eyes on. He wasn’t a specialist, nor did he know a lot about flowers, but with the help of his _abuela_ and Carla, he didn’t get as lost as he thought he would be.

A smile slipped on his lips, there was at least one good thing to happen to him in a few days time. Or so he hoped.

The traffic seemed to listen to Eddie’s silent pleading and started flowing faster, taking them to Isabel’s close to midday, which was also the time he needed to get to work. He’d promised his _abuela_ to stay for lunch, but he didn’t know if he could take any more of his parents' pointed questions about not being good enough of a father nor a husband without wanting to scream at something . He knew it was inevitable, their critics were bound to come some time in their stay here in Los Angeles, but for the time being, whatever opportunity he found to slip away, he was ready to grab.

Eddie loved them, they had given him love and support. But in their stiff ways.

Of all the ways he had been taught to swallow his emotions, the feeling of never being enough for those he loved stung the most.

Eddie let out a relieved sigh as he parked in front of the yellow house. He got out and promptly helped his mother with her two suitcases and walked up the stairs to Isabel’s front porch. His _abuela_ was there, waiting over the open front door for the other family members to join them. Eddie’s eyes met hers, and he recognized her knowing glance. She knew he wouldn’t be staying for lunch.

“Ramon! How I missed you, son.” She hugged Ramon as the man approached, carrying his own suitcase. She later pulled Helena into a warm hug. “Helena, how are you doing?” 

“I’m fine, Isabel. It’s always a pleasure to see you and Pepa.” Helena smiled politely, thanking Eddie as he gave her the suitcase back. “Speaking of, where is she?”

“Oh, probably working, but she confirmed her presence later today over dinner. She’ll be picking Chris on her way here.” Isabel answered, knowing that Eddie would have asked Carla to pick him up, but since Pepa was leaving work earlier, she’d be doing it. “Edmundo, wait here for a moment, please.”

Eddie waited, confused for a few moments, observing his parents as they got inside Isabel’s humble house. She came back a moment later with a small package, and as soon as it landed on his hands, Eddie felt the wonderful smell of food coming from it. He had delayed their agreed time by changing his route that morning, so of course she already had lunch all ready to eat, probably getting cold as they talked.

But well, he knew it was worth it.

“By your smile I can risk saying that you took my advice seriously, Eddito.” Isabel smiled, noting the first genuine smile splitting his face. “Did you get the best ones?”

 _“Sí, abuela,_ Carla also gave me a few pointers as well, but it ended up being easier than I thought at first. _Gracias.”_ Eddie kissed her on the cheek, thankful. He remembered the new company that arrived and frowned. “How did you know I wasn’t staying?” 

Isabel laughed, shaking her head.

“You might not say much, _nieto,_ but your face speaks volumes.” She quickly waved her hand in front of him and mumbled the praying she always did when he came to visit. “Don’t worry, I’ll hold them for as much as I can. Until then, we’ll have a little sunshine coming here to tell everyone about his last day of school.”

Eddie smiled fondly as he remembered Chris’ cheerful expression when he left him at school that morning, chatting non-stop about how happy he was for the holidays.

“Eddie! Aren’t you going to eat with us?” Helena appeared on the door frame, confused to see both Isabel and Eddie still on the outside.

“Oh, I’m sorry mom, I gotta go to work.” He watched as Helena’s face fell resigned, but nothing that he’d never seen before. “I promise to come to dinner.”

Saying his goodbyes, Eddie turned away, feeling guilty for wishing Christmas Day would arrive fast.

-

The days went by fast, and Christmas Eve finally arrived. Not that Eddie would miss it, since he woke up that morning at six in the morning with his kid screaming excitedly all the way from his own room to Eddie’s.

“Dad! Dad, it’s Christmas!” Chris’ happy voice approached the bed, and Eddie knew even before getting his head off his pillow, his kid would bring all the pros of waking up early, aside from the main reason: Christmas itself. “Dad!”

“I heard you, kid. Just come here for a minute.” Eddie spoke, still sleepy. With his half lidded eyes, he followed Chris’ movements as he climbed the bed, with an enviable energy. Eddie could head Buck’s voice calling him an old man in the back of his mind.

“Dad, come on! We need to make hot cocoa, open presents and then visit Santa Claus!” Chris was euphoric, his energy almost siping through to Eddie, even if he still fought hard against his tiredness, “Buck will go with us, Dad?”

Eddie sighed. He imagined he wouldn’t be able to dodge that question for long.

“I really don’t know, Chris.”

“But you promised you’d talk with him,” Chris answered, confused. How he hated seeing his kid disappointed. “Did you?”

“Yes, buddy, but some things happened and we needed some time away. But,” Eddie said as he messed around with his kid’s curls after he managed to snuggle against Eddie’s chest. “We’ll see him, okay?”

Eddie avoided lying to his son, since that was one of the main things Eddie taught Chris to not do. To speak the truth was always better, and consequently, made you feel better. In this case, he didn’t want to disappoint his kid on his favorite holiday, but he also couldn’t assure him that Buck would come, even though he gave Buck the flowers as an apology. That Sunday night, as Eddie bid his goodbyes with Christopher sleeping soundly against his chest, he couldn’t shake the feeling that both Buck and he had opened up some old wounds.

Maybe because they both knew each other well enough, Eddie could tell that they needed some time apart to set their minds straight. Even if the few days that he’d been away from his best friend had been suffocating, especially with his parents constant nags about his life like he wasn’t even in the same room.

Snapping out of the dark hole that were his thoughts, Eddie smiled, feeling a small hand cupping his chin, a caring act that made him, and Buck as well (he’d seen it), melt in a few instants.

“Dad, you are almost sleeping! We have a lot to do.” Chris almost screamed out a laugh as Eddie grabbed Chris’ small frame against him and covered them both with the blankets, where everything was warm and soft and far away from every responsibility they had. Safe and protected.

“You planned the entire day, huh?” Eddie nosed Chris curls, momentarily thinking of Buck’s and the similarities his kid and Buck had. His heart squeezed with longing again, and he closed his eyes. With a tired sigh, he focused everything on this moment, wishing for the millionth time that Chris would always stay this age. “C’mon kid, tell me your plans for today and tomorrow.”

Christopher’s eyes shone as he listed the day’s activities, focusing on the priorities while Eddie felt his body relaxing again as he was pulled back to slumber. His eyes closed with the weight of their comfort and cosiness in the warmth of the covers and his kid. But Chris’ high pitched laughs prevented Eddie from even a small nap. As Eddie opened his eyes, he found Chris staring at him, and for this brief moment, all the worries and problems he had and could have, were standing on the other side of that closed door.

“I love you, buddy.”

“I love you too, daddy.” Chris answered, and like always, Eddie’s heart swelled ten times bigger. Feeling his energy restored, he curled his fingers around Chris’ belly and tickled him, both laughing hard as Chris squirmed trying to get away.

No matter what Christmas would bring their way, he considered it a good one already.

It was a few hours later, after they had breakfast, that Eddie stopped what he was doing to observe his kid next to him, cosy and very focused on the hallmark Christmas movie playing on the TV. The lights on the Christmas three shone slowly, and the faint smell of hot chocolate and cinnamon ran free around the house, and he could feel the Christmas’ spirit slowly lighting up inside his chest. Christmas was also his favorite holiday, although spending it without Shannon for the first time felt like a bucket of ice water to his face. His family had shrinked, and he hated it.

Still on this day, Eddie was going to take Chris to Shannon’s so Chris could spend the rest of the afternoon with his mother. He couldn’t hold back the admiration he felt towards his son, because even being so young, he managed to comprehend that his parents weren’t together anymore. And to paraphrase the little man in his arms ‘I love you if you are together or separated, forever.’ and, well, that seemed to be enough for now.

Taking a quick glance towards the clock on the wall, Eddie poked Chris on the ribs, smiling as he heard the kid laughing freely.

“Hey, kid, it’s time to start getting ready.”

“Five more minutes, dad.” Chris pleaded, giggling slightly under the heavy blanket that Eddie had snatched from behind the couch, his eyes still glued on the old television.

“Oh, I’ll tell Santa Claus he got replaced by the movie the-”

“Alright, I’m going!” Chris got up the fast he could, grabbing his crutches and making his way back to his room.

Eddie shook his head fondly and laughed as he got up with a sigh and went to do the same himself. For a quick second, his thoughts went back to Buck, making his heart heavy once more, thinking that, with his blind fury from the other day, he might have ruined everything. And the weight of the stone tied to his heart only got heavier as he realized they would be spending Christmas apart.

Disappointed, he let his feet lead him to the bathroom, but before his hands found the door knob, a set of knocks came from the front door and echoed around the entire house. Eddie frowned, confused. Hesitating for a few seconds got the visitor more nervous, apparently, due to the new set of knocks, this time less patient.

Walking towards the door in a quick pace, Eddie almost lost his breath because of two things as he opened the door.

The first because of the cold and atypical breeze that rushed through him so unlike Los Angeles, given that most days it was sunny and hot or rainy, depending on the season. The second because Eddie was now staring at the same pair of blue eyes he had been thinking not mere seconds ago. His mind seemed to slow down, his attention completely split between trying to absorb all the details from the man who was almost two meters tall, taking in the scarf around his neck and the beanie that almost hid his birthmark, and actually believing Buck was there. He came.

“Eddie.”

He blinked, coming back to himself and slowly realizing Buck had been trying to catch his attention for a while now.

“Sorry, what?”

“It’s cold! Can I come in? I’m almost turning into a popsicle here.” Buck smiled, licking his dry lips and changing the bags he carried from one hand to another.

“Of course! Sorry.” Eddie stepped aside, watching Buck come inside still not quite believing that he was actually here, and that his mind wasn’t playing tricks with him. After a week without seeing his best friend, to see Buck standing in the middle of his living room, with his beanie now in one hand and his locks slightly wild, his entire face red from the cold, looking around in contemplation, Eddie felt ecstatic. 

“I-”

But the words clogged on Eddie’s throat. He was now realizing how much he missed Buck, now that he was only a few meters away from the man. How much he wanted his person; to have his right hand close again after these few rough days. He could imagine the playful glances of their friends as they mocked their codependency, but to hell with it. If he felt emotional from seeing Buck for the first time since that Sunday, he could blame it on Christmas.

“You… you came.”

Buck smiled, an uncommon mix of relief and shiness on his face.

“I received an invitation.” He shrugged as he approached with slow yet determined steps. “A good one, for that.”

It was all it took for Eddie to close the distance between them and wrap his arms tight around Buck. And for the urgency of Buck’s own strong arms on him, bringing Eddie close to his chest, he would risk saying he wasn’t the only one that had missed this.

“One week,” he breathed against Buck’s neck, enjoying every second of their contact. It felt almost like a déjà-vu: the two of them wrapped around each other on the steps of his _abuela’s_ house, drenched in sea water and covered in sand. But, unlike that late afternoon, this felt like a reunion and not a goodbye.

“Actually, it would have closed a week tomorrow and not-ouch!” Buck let out a hurtful moan at Eddie’s pinch, but laughed as he got a glimpse of his best friend’s grumpy face. “I also missed you. A lot.”

Eddie took a step back to get another look at the taller man, but Buck’s arms tightened around his hips, pulling him back against his body.

“Are you all wrapped up like a Christmas present only for this cold-ish breeze?” Eddie poked, managing to do so without moving away from the bear hug, and smiled against Buck’s shoulder.

“I dare you get out there and stand this horrible cold.” Buck puffed out, still holding on. “It’s almost like I’m back in Pennsylvania.”

Eddie hummed, and after a few seconds tried again to step back, even if against his will, but it seemed that Buck had other thoughts, hugging Eddie impossibly tighter.

“Buck, I need to get changed.”

But the other man shook his head and hid his nose on the crook of Eddie’s neck, denying Eddie’s request. “I’m not ready to let go yet.”

And Eddie wasn’t complaining. After all the inconvenient and tense days, he was finally receiving a hug from who he needed the most. So he let himself be held for a while longer.

As soon as the hug broke, Eddie cleared his throat, suddenly the direct target of Buck’s intense gaze. He remembered the real reason for Buck's visit and looked down at the bags that had slipped from Buck’s hands and to the floor. Buck seemed to see the question in Eddie’s face, because his smile grew larger on his pinky lips.

“Oh, it’s a gift for Chris.” Buck answered, and continued before Eddie could protest, “I know, I know I didn’t need to, but Eddie, can you blame me? It’s Chris.”

“You spoil him.” Eddie smiled, knowing full well he was being hypocritical, and for Buck’s look, he also knew.

“It gets one to know one.” Buckley laughed, eyeing the gifts sitting under the Christmas tree. “It’s beautiful. You chose well.”

“I had a great helper.” Eddie answered, running a hand through his hair, still messy from sleep. “You wanna leave it with the others?”

Before Buck could answer, the familiar sound of Chris’ crutches echoed on the corridor, and Eddie only watched as the giant kid ran and hid behind the couch.

“When did I become the single father of two kids?” Eddie said under his breath, moving his attention back to Chris, who smiled, neat and clean and radiating joy, barely holding back as he waited to see Santa.

Well, at least he had enough energy for both of them to enter the giant line of kids wanting to talk with Santa in the center park.

“Hey, buddy!” Eddie greeted, crouching to his kid’s height. “You look handsome. Did you pack everything you need in your bag? The cards you made for your mom and your grandma?”

“Yes! And for _bisabuela_ , Pepa, and grandpa and grandma!” Chris answered, oblivious to the pair of blue eyes staring at him behind him.

“Well, you know, buddy, I think Santa Claus thought we could use some extra help and landed us one his his assistants.” Eddie nudged Chris to turn around, and he would never forget the excited scream Christopher let out as he recognized who hid behind the couch, with curls so much alike his own.

“Buck! You came!” Chris quickened his pace towards the sofa, and Buck laughed, dropping the bags to the ground again. He embraced Chris in a thigh hug.

“Hey, superman! Of course I came, I couldn’t refuse your invitation, right? And another thing, I brought you this.” He grabbed the christmas presents and watched as Chris ripped them. New Legos, a couple of albums of the solar system and more art supplies, Chris face lit up. Buck silently thanked Eddie for the tips on what were Christopher’s wishes at the moment.

The moment Christopher smiled, Buck thought back with a heavy heart at the week he spent without even catching a glimpse of that bright face. It felt like he had deprived himself from the sunlight, and _dammit,_ if that boy wasn’t the sun itself. As he looked up, Buck saw the older Diaz watching them with a gentle smile on his lips, and he could risk saying that Eddie was thinking the same thing as him.

Christmas was looking good already.

Their greatest present was there already, radiating happiness.

-

It was midday, and it didn’t take much for Buck and himself to find the good old man dressed in vibrant red, surrounded by elves and children, especially for their position close to so many shopping malls. The line of children already long and eager didn’t seem to phase Christopher’s mood, because he asked them if he could go alone and wait with the other children.

Buck looked at Eddie by the corner of his eyes and smiled at the furrowed brow he was sprouting, betraying his mistrust towards the man dressed up as Santa.

“God, it’s like you’re waiting for Santa to suddenly get up and run towards you to haunt you.” Buck laughed as Eddie nudged him hard with his shoulder.

“I’m not ready for this.” Eddie pointed exasperated in Chris’ direction, watching him laughing while he spoke with a couple of elves. They both sat by the fountain to give the boy some space. “He’s growing so fast! How didn’t I notice that?”

Buck could help but chuckle as he watched the pure indignation and frustration rising on Eddie’s face.

“Actually, I think I’ve already noticed when I realized I’ve lost so many moments with Chris. So many.”

With that whispered admission, Buckley sighed heavily, recognizing his best friend’s self-deprecating tone, remembering his parents were in town, which enhanced those feelings. Buck didn’t want to believe Ramon and Helena Diaz were perturbing Eddie’s peace of mind, but there wasn’t another explanation for all these fears to be resurfacing, especially not after everything he heard last Sunday.

“Hey now, you can use time to your favor from now on.” He bumped his shoulders with Eddie’s, catching his melancholic eyes with his. “You already have him, he’s your son and no one can take that away from you. And that boy it’s only happy the way he is because of his amazing family. You, Isabel and Pepa. And I’m sure he’s way happier here than he would ever be in El Paso, because he’s with his dad.”

 _And you,_ the thought came faster than Eddie could properly react.

“Hey, I really wanted to thank you.” Diaz tried to ignore the fast beating from his chest. “I’ve noticed something was wrong, but then I understood why you didn’t tell me what Chris’ card said.”

Buck felt the same tug from his heart he’d felt when they were both lying on the floor of his apartment that night.

So he knew he needed to be truthful, like he always was with his best friend.

“I didn’t want to lie to you, but after what you told me, I imagined it would be a long, hard week with the arriving of your parents. And I wanted to check how you and Chris were doing,” Buck’s blue eyes were laying on Chris as his time to talk with Santa Claus finally arrived. “but I decided to give you space, I think we both needed it. And after that… what we heard, I thought you wouldn’t need to add more worry to your plate, with your parents asking about the strangers in your house, or going out with Chris and me and being subjected to cold looks from all around.

“You’re not a stranger, Buck.”

_You’re family._

Sometimes, Eddie still felt impressed by how much Buck knew him. And most times, he prefered believing it was a normal thing for best friends who knew each other as long as they did.

However, at that moment, everything Eddie wanted was for Buck to be wrong with his affirmations. That was why, against all moral reprimands and crap he heard over the week, he retorted, decidedly. 

“Thank you for understanding.” Turning his eyes away from Chris, Eddie focused on those alarmingly blue ones, and their gaze locked once more. With their one week gap away from each other, Eddie believed they needed to be honest with their feelings. “But I think that, even if I try to keep myself away from you, everything I want, all the goddamn time, is the opposite.”

Buck swallowed drily, hope blooming in his chest. And in that instant, as Chris approached hand in hand with one of Santa’s assistants, dressed up as an elf, his heart was torn between being frustrated and relieved, both for wanting to hear more of what Eddie had to say, and keeping himself from spilling all his feelings on the man sitting next to him.

Eddie’s eyes briefly shifted to Buck’s, trying to silently promise him that they would be having this conversation soon again, before turning all his attention back to Chris, who arrived eagerly from his talk with Santa Claus.

“So, buddy, how did it go? Did you have fun?” Eddie asked, crouching and looking directly at his kid’s happy eyes, behind his slightly crooked glasses. Eddie corrected them on impulse. “What did you ask him?”

“I can’t tell you, dad! The wish will never come true if I do.” Chris smiled like he held all the secrets of the universe from his own father.

Eddie laughed, enchanted by his boy and lifted him up in his arms, taking him down to the the coffee shop, but not before thanking the woman, who’d been watching from a few steps away. Buck didn’t notice the woman’s presence, as he watched the Diaz boys interacting, until she revealed the reason behind her smile and admiration in her face.

“You two have an adorable kid!”

Buck’s face warmed instantly, momentarily not knowing what to say. Of all the fears that made Buck take a step back and keep Chris’ invitation to himself, someone thinking less of them or making a scene in front of Christopher had been the worst of all, and he absolutely did not want that. So this comment came as a surprise, its meaning the opposite from what he had been afraid, and it silently jumbled the strings of his heart, full of love for that family.

“Uh…” He looked to where Eddie and Chris had gone and his feet automatically took him to that direction, moving away from the elf that seemed oblivious to the storm that she set on Buck’s chest with only one phrase. For a moment, he let himself wish that his wishes were real, so he simply agreed. “Thanks.”

\- 

“I didn’t know that a trip down to visit Santa Claus could be so exhaustive.” Eddie stepped inside his house, followed suit by a smiling Buck, who closed the door behind them.

“Old age is really catching up with you, Diaz.” Buck teased while stripping off his scarf and jacket and hanging them on a free hook close to the door. He walked to the kitchen, following Eddie’s stream of grumblings as he set a few grocery bags on the table. “Something about your son spending the rest of the day with Shannon soured your mood? Or was it really Santa Claus? I’ve heard you two have a bumpy past.”

Eddie sniffed. Now, besides his _abuela_ and Shannon, he’d have to deal with Buck poking him about the _incident._

 _“Abuela_ shouldn’t have told you that. I wasn’t afraid of him!”

Buck sang-song childishly, while doing his best to keep his face straight, but he couldn’t help the smile off his lips as he caught Eddie’s vexed expression. He was silently grabbing some ingredients from the bags, and Buck noted how that expression looked just like Christopher’s upset face when he asked Buck to read him another chapter of their bedtime book and Buck refused to, explaining that it was too late and they should probably continue another day.

“Look, are you going to keep bothering me or are you going to help me make mac and cheese?” Eddie rolled his eyes, resting his hands on his hips.

Buck only stared at him and smiled. In a few seconds, the fake upset expression morphed from Eddie’s face, turning into a more serious one, as they looked into each other’s eyes for far too long, lost once again in their own little world.

“Very well, Chef Diaz, you can’t show up empty handed in your _abuela’s_ house.” Buck lit the oven and promptly grabbed all the pans and ingredients that Eddie hadn’t already. “But as I know that kitchen isn’t one of your many talents, I’ll need you as an assistant.”

“I thought you were the assistant.”

Buck smiled at Eddie’s joke. He’d seen one of the old cards Buck sent to Maddie a long time ago, one where he was happily wrapped around a giant bear while a red christmas’ hat almost fell on his eyes and presents were overflowing in the background. Ever since then, Eddie's been calling Buck Santa’s assistant.

The minutes went by, and Buck managed to convince Eddie of not only taking a main dish, but also a dessert. Eddie was also in charge of the hot chocolate, however, and that was almost completely done by Buck, while Eddie busied himself with other stuff, like cutting the vegetables, preparing the sauces and broth - with the supervision of those curious and watchful eyes over him, making sure nothing was burned. Satisfied with the state of things, they realized they still had some free time while the dishes were in the oven.

Buck thanked a mug of hot cocoa that Eddie gave him and enjoyed the feeling of Eddie taking him by hand, pulling him into the living room and sitting them on the rug near the christmas tree. The living room was mostly illuminated by all the colorful colors from the christmas lights, aside from the sun rays that came from a few cracks from the heavy curtains.

They sat in silence for some time, both simply observing and enjoying the lights going on and off and taking sips from their drinks. Buck chuckled, breaking the silence.

“What?” 

“Dude, Chris was so happy today. He almost couldn’t stop laughing in that photo booth.” 

Eddie recalled that moment. Having Chris sitting on his lap while Buck and him tried to squeeze themselves together to fit in that cubicle, the three of them competing over who could pull the ugliest face. The lady responsible for the booth hadn’t said a word about two men and a child taking photos together, and she treated them the same way she did the family behind them on the line.

In truth, Eddie thought the only thing the lady actually wanted was to go home, judging by her bored face.

“He was. I didn’t think it was possible to make him happier than last Christmas, but…” He stared at Buck next to him and looked back at the amazing day they had, one not even him had been expecting, not with Shannon away and his parents around, draining any semblance of peace he had wished for this week. “I think that in the end, we managed to give him something great to remember.”

To see that shy yet large and affectionate smile growing on Buck’s face whenever they spoke about Christopher, as they laid side by side, made Eddie think about their talk at the beginning of the week, before everything went downhill with Ramon and Helena Diaz in town. He felt foolish for being at Buck’s side and feeling great, comfortable and vulnerable, very unlike the week he spent with his parents, who forced him to speak about Shannon and the divorce, always smothering any autonomy Eddie’s kid showed.

Where Eddie, his _abuela_ and Pepa encouraged him to do things on his own, Helena and Ramon disapproved of those attitudes, as if Eddie wasn’t apt to take care of his own son.

Without realizing, his thoughts drifted far from the comfort and close to the border of another one of those stressful loops. But the could fingers touching the space between his eyebrows and breaking that frown on his brow encouraged him to take his eyes away from the christmas lights.

Even in the half-light, in the middle of the afternoon of Christmas Eve, those blue eyes he so loved to stare were somehow as bright as the lights pulsing over them. “Come back to me.” Buck’s voice was a whisper, almost as if he didn’t want to break this moment. One of those moments Eddie could recognize as ‘Buck and Eddie’, as their friends would so fondly call. “Where did you go?”

“Nowhere important.” Eddie grabbed Buck’s hands before he could pull away and placed it over his stomach and under his own, an almost identical replica from their last encounter. But, this time, they were alone. “I was only thinking about how my life changed these last two years. Got away from El Paso, from my parents, the whole package. And of all the things that I’ve done, I think this had been the best choice I ever made.”

“I’ll have to agree, because otherwise you and Chris wouldn’t be here.” Buck answered, his pink lips stretched in a smile. “And Isabel and Pepa.”

Eddie felt himself smiling, his eyes stuck on the man that had done so much for him, and above all, the best gift Los Angeles could have given him.

“They are beautiful.”

Eddie blinked, suddenly confused.

“What are?”

“The sunflowers.” Buck said, and contemplated Eddie’s face as he recognized what Buck was talking about. Eddie supported himself on his elbows, his attention completely on Buck. “I’m surprised you remembered they are my favorites.”

Eddie almost let it slip all the other things he knew about Buck. About how the years he lived under his parents’ roof were the worst years of his life. About his love and affection for kids, animals and music. About how he spends his free time reading books about different subjects, always ready to give his point of view and his open heart to whoever needed it. About his protectiveness of those he loves. About the fact that being a firefighter is his true passion, and how his eyes are filled with excitement when he talks about the latest calls, and the adrenaline of putting off fires, entering questionable places and being face to face with uncommon situations.

About him being way more than Eddie could have ever dreamed for a best friend.

And a partner. In all senses of the word.

Eddie gulped drily as those blue eyes watched him intensely, avidly and mirroring Eddie’s own.

“You know, the flowers weren’t the only thing I left in the firehouse that Tuesday.” and from the silence and Buck’s curious expression, Eddie found courage to continue, “I signed up for the LAFD job opening. The exams start in the second week of January.”

Buck’s curious expression suddenly opened up to one of extreme euphory, his eyes widened with happiness and his smile growing giddly, infecting Eddie. His giggling became louder, and when he realized, Eddie found himself underneath Buck. Their legs entangled, his arms were on either side of Eddie’s body, hugging him tight as they were both lying stretched out on the living room rug.

“Good God, you’re heavy.” Eddie protested, but his arms wrapped around Buck’s large back, and he didn’t let go.

“I can’t believe this! You-”

“Buck, I still haven’t taken the exams-”

“This is the best news of all! We’ll be partners, you and I! Firefighters! Together!” Eddie laughed as he noted the excitement pure in Buck’s expression, open and happy, completely ignoring Eddie’s muttering about not having been accepted officially yet. Suddenly, Buck shot up, sitting back straight. “We need to celebrate! Wait, where’s that wine I bought you last week-”

“Buck, hey!” Eddie sat in front of him, holding Buck’s face between his hands. “We’ll have a proper time for this celebration, alright? I don’t want us going to dinner completely drunk.”

“Us?” Buck asked, trying and failing completely to stop himself from leaning against the warm hands still holding him in place.

Eddie’s heart almost sank to his stomach when he read his best friend’s confusion.

“Yes, Buck. You and I. We didn’t invite you only to see an old man dressed up as Santa Claus in Los Angeles’ city center, no, but also to spend the christmas dinner with us.” The sudden desire to hug Buck and protect him from whatever pain he had gone through with his parents made his anger grow wild again.

“I… I didn’t realize the invitation stretched beyond Santa Claus and hot chocolate.” Buck murmured, awkwardly. Christmas last year, Eddie and Buck had seen each other on the 24th as it turned to 25th, and they’d exchanged gifts, but that was it. Diaz’ family traditions politely extended to friends like him, but Buck knew it wouldn’t be pleasant to sit through a dinner and be remembered he’s not part of the family.

Diaz shook his head, trying to show through his eyes and words all the stability and security he could muster.

“Buck.” he looked straight into Buck’s eyes, and it was almost as if he could read the man’s mind. It hurt seeing those doubts floating around Buck’s head, as if he wasn’t important for them. “You’re always welcomed in my house, in _abuela’s_ , and-”

 _In our lives,_ his unbalanced heart completed crookedly.

Eddie wanted to keep that moment trapped in his mind forever, and he was so tired of pretending, of denying his feelings. At some point in the path of their lives, Buck and he both knew that the love they shared had crossed, in a slow and constant pace, the friendship line.

But Eddie knew that his fears had always stopped him from giving a name to what he felt whenever Buck smiled at him; whenever he let out one of his contagious laughs and when he shared a few thoughts about Christopher, or random facts only Buck knew where they came from.

Shannon and he had once had love, trust and respect in their marriage. To watch it destroy from inside out, crumbling down little by little and tainting every pure feeling they had shared easily was tough, and Shannon was brave enough to notice it first. Yet Eddie persisted, even being physically apart, even going to his tours, even when Shannon left to take care of her mother. But it was only when he saw her with another person did he realize their time as a couple was over, and he was only tying himself to something that was already over. 

Being with Buck was never that hard. It was, in fact, easy, and he usually forgot all about those distant days in his hometown, tied to his parents’ rules. To be a good kid, a good man, how to serve his country, how to be a good husband, how to be a good son. And a provider.

And so, Eddie had distanced more and more from that kid that used to dream with his sisters about simple kid things.

And everything Buck asked him was himself. Only himself. 

One of Eddie’s hands ran down Buck’s face and rested on his shoulder while the other caressed his birthmark fondly. The winking lights embellished them both, sitting face to face in Eddie's living room, a place that turned into a constant between them and Chris, for their enjoyment and sometimes talks too deep and dark for the ears of the nine years old boy. Their mugs sat forgotten next to the tree’s base.

The distance between them had gotten smaller at some point, and Eddie could feel Buck’s breath against his cheeks. Their foreheads came together easily, reminding them both about the first time they basically entangled themselves together. But this time, they could feel something was different. A new promise in the air, something truly good.

If Eddie let himself act on his wishes, he’d choose to stay between those arms, feeling Buck under his touch at all times.

“Eddie.” Buck let out, the fear palpable in his voice, fighting his heart that seemed to want to slip out of his throat. He was afraid to jump alone into this ravishing ocean of feelings, and he hesitated, giving them both a way out if needed, even with all the waiting. But… “I don’t know if I’m strong enough to step back now.”

“I’m tired of being afraid, Buck. Tired of running away.” Eddie answered, his heart begging him to be heard for the first time. “that afternoon in your beetle, all I could think of later was how it could have gone.”

Buck smiled, the memory fresh in his mind. His hands snaked around Eddie’s hips, pulling him impossibly close, and the fragrance of the man in his arms was so strong and alive that sometimes he asked himself if one day he could get drunk from it.

“Me too. You and Chris are all that I think of, is all that I want.”

And it was then that the feeling Eddie had been denying to name, throbbed on his mind.

 _Love_ exploded through him, pure and stronger than the fear, after all this time.

Eddie’s hesitant lips found its way towards Buck’s, who moved to meet him midway gently, letting themselves get used to this new territory. Eddie’s hand moved to Buck’s nape, his fingers gripping softly the curls there and getting a satisfied sigh against his mouth. The kiss got deeper then, as if the touch of his fumbling hand had incited something suppressed from a long time. 

Big hands gripped Eddie, holding him tight as if something could take him away. The strength in the hold proved that nothing about this was a cruel dream that his mind provided, no. Their lips moved, deepening the kiss that both had secretly waited for a long time, until Buck parted, panting against Eddie’s mouth and staring at him with his blue eyes from behind his lashes.

Eddie took a minute to catch his breath, listening to the loud beats of his heart, wondering if Buck could hear them as well. He couldn’t believe they did it. After all this time denying, tucking it away, waiting-

“Eddie-”

Diaz cut him mid phrase with a warning tone, pulling him back for another kiss. He pressed their lips together, memorizing every curl and taste, trying to get lost on them. The love uselessly hidden, but that poured at every look exchanged in the dark, was now there for them to touch, with his hands, his mouth. Eddie couldn’t stop touching it, feeling it. Buck’s hands were still pressed against his waist, sneaking under Eddie’s shirt. It seemed Eddie wasn’t the only one who didn’t want this moment to end.

“Eddie.” Buck broke the kiss, breathing hard. He looked guilty from breaking this moment that both had waited for, but he caught the scent of another aroma flooding the house. “There’s food in the oven.”

“There’s food in the oven,” Eddie echoed, his eyes fixed avidly on Buck’s pink, swollen lips. Right before he urged forward to capture them for another mind blowing kiss, Buck’s words sank into him. “There’s food in the oven, shit!”

He managed to elegantly disentangle from Buck’s arms and fumble towards the kitchen, almost tripping over Buck’s long legs. With a dishcloth he opened the oven and let out a relieved breath to see that the mac and cheese and the cake hadn’t burned. 

Eddie turned off the oven and made his way back towards the living room, knowing that the smile he sported was the same foolish and giddy one that Buck had on his face. He was still there, right next to the Christmas three, and Eddie remembered what else was there underneath it. He crouched back to the place he’d been, finding the right wrapped gift and presented it to Buck, who looked truly shocked to be receiving something.

“Merry Christmas, Evan.”

Buck smiled, easily recognizing the size and shape of a disc, and tore it open. His smile only grew as he examined the content.

“Bread’s new album! How did you know I’m a fan?” Buck asked, surprised, his wide eyes moving from the disc in his hands to a satisfied looking Eddie.

“Let’s say that when you weren’t looking, I went through all your discs.” Eddie shrugged, bumping his shoulders gently with Buck’s. “If there’s anything I know that you love more than being a firefighter and animals, it’s music.”

Evan smiled, his expression softening, yet never moving his eyes from Eddie.

“Those are not the only things, _Eduardo.”_ The taller man said as Eddie sighed in annoyance at the nickname. He stood up in a blink of an eye and stood over the record player Eddie barely used, putting the new disc in place. In a couple of seconds, the record began spinning to the first notes of _‘Baby I’m-a Want You’_ in a low volume.

_Baby, I'm-a want you_

_Baby, I'm-a need you_

_You the only one I care enough to hurt about_

_Maybe I'm-a crazy_

Buck extended a hand to Eddie as a silent invitation. Sighing dreamily, Diaz let himself be pulled to his feet this time and his arms wrapped around Buck at the same time he felt his hands falling on his shoulders and his face. Buck’s eyes fell closed, as if he could feel the weight of the song on his body, and Eddie could only watch, hypnotized. 

_But I just can't live without_

_Your lovin' and affection_

_Givin' me direction_

_Like a guiding light to help me through a darkest hour_

_Lately I'm a-prayin'_

_That you'll always be a-stayin' beside me_

Eddie would never have imagined that he would be in between Buck’s arms on this Christmas Eve, swinging together under the dim lights of the christmas three after finally letting himself do what he had wanted for a long time. In a couple of days they’ll be celebrating New Year’s Eve, and 1980 would bring promises and news that Eddie hoped would be great. The fear was still there, of course, corroding his heart, alive in every thought he had about living the rest of his life with his love, behind the closed curtains, even if everything he wanted was to simply live his life in freedom.

Buck had taught him so much. How, in only two years, could he have learned so much about himself that turned his world upside down? Buck came into Eddie’s life with the force of a meteor, but loving him had been simple and natural, like a timid stream of light barely illuminating a dark room.

Being in the army was frightening. Being a husband and a father more so.

But being in love with another man?

All his mind did over this time was to sabotage his feelings that only grew stronger. It felt like fighting against a large wave that was about to break and run towards the sand, only to retreat back and start all over again. 

Perhaps he always knew there was something there, about men. The longer, contemplative stares, that after a few panicking moments, would break in fear. His heart would slowly calm down as his mind provided him with his normal reasoning, what he _should_ be, and not what he _wanted_ to be.

Throughout his entire life, even if he was fairly young, he couldn’t remember a time he hadn't fought. Fight against his frustrations, his rage, his discontentment as he always gave his all to follow the rules.

 _Be this, don’t do that._ _Be a good dad, be a good husband, a good man. Give others what they need._

What about him? What did he need?

To be with Buck felt like listening to himself for the first time, and not to other people's expectations. His heart almost gave out at the possibility of losing what he just managed to obtain, after so much internal fight. He barely noticed that his thoughts had once again taken him away from the moment and into the swirling pool that was his mind.

_Used to be my life was just emotions passing by_

_Then you came along and made me laugh_

_And made me cry..._

_You taught me why..._

As if Buck could feel his troubles, his hands pulled him back against his chest, trying to pull Eddie back to the present, for this moment, their moment. Taking a deep breath, Eddie could only let himself be swayed by the warm body glued to him, enjoying those few hours like he always wanted.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! We have reached the final stretch of this story. And I am extremely sad to let go of these two to be free and to own their life and love between them.
> 
> They grow up so fast. 
> 
> I planned to write one last fic of this series, ending with three in total, but for that, I need to know if it would be very welcome by you readers. So don't be shy, leave your comments, they are incredible. Thank you always and always to my translator, beta, personal advisor and confidant who supported me from the beginning to the end of this trajectory @PinkGold.   
> I love you, this story is yours too. You were part of making it happen and I will always be grateful to you.

The moment the dishes were done baking, Eddie and Buck made their way to Isabel’s. Eddie knew he wouldn’t be able to hide from his parents forever, and it was almost the scheduled time Shannon and he had agreed for her to take Chris to his _abuela._

They left the beetle as soon as they parked in front of the yellow house, both with a casserole plate in their hands. It didn’t take more than a knock for Eddie to hear from the other side of the closed door the rapid thuds of Christopher’s crutches coming their way, and a large smile stretched on his face.

“Dad!” Chris announced with a content smile, which only grew as he turned his eyes to the other man on the front porch. “Buck!”

“Hey, _mijo,_ how did things go with your mom?” Eddie balanced the mac and cheese in one arm and crouched to greet Christopher properly with a kiss to his curls. “Did you have fun?”

“Yes! Mommy gave me more Legos and new clothes!” Chris answered promptly. He backed away, stifling a set of giggles as Buck approached him with an expression the boy dreaded. “No, Buck! Don’t tickle me!”

Both men couldn’t help but laugh as they watched Chris getting away from Buck like the man was made of fire. Eddie couldn’t blame him, since every time they met Buck would find a moment to tickle the kid. Buck handed Eddie the lemon tart, which Eddie grabbed without thinking twice, and started walking towards the kitchen to help with whatever was needed, Eddie following suit. They didn’t get farther than the kitchen door, though, without noting the rest of Eddie’s family watching them, their expressions varying from joyfulness and pride (Isabel and Josephina) to confusion and apathy (Helena and Ramon). They were all huddled close on the tiny kitchen table, and the smell of the christmas turkey roasting on the oven was almost enough to dissipate some of the tension they walked in.

“Uh, hey.” Eddie greeted smartly, giving them all his best smile, even under so many eyes. “We aren’t late, are we?”

Christopher’s laugh came bursting from the living room as the boy went back to watching his cartoons, and Eddie wanted nothing more than to go hide in that direction.

Josephina got up from her chair and helped Eddie place their dishes next to all the others. His stomach grumbled, and Eddie instantly regretted only drinking a cup of hot chocolate that afternoon with Buck after their lunch on the plaza. And now, under the penetrating gaze of his parents, all the good this day brought seemed so far away.

“What’s a bit of delay when you’ve already spent the entire Christmas Day away from your parents?” Helena poked, sipping from her coffee mug.

_Christmas Day is tomorrow, mom._

Yet before Eddie could give her a witty answer, Isabel stepped in.

“Nobody is late. We still haven’t started dinner. Plus, we needed a good dessert and another side dish to go along with the turkey, and for what I see,” Isabel was saying, satisfied with her grandkid, “it smells delicious, Eddito!”

“Eddie gets all the credits on this one, I can assure you.” Eddie turned and arched a worried eyebrow as Buck spoke up, taking in the man’s strained expression. 

Buck was a terrible liar, and for the smiles in Pepa’s and his _abuela’s_ face, they knew. As soon as the dishes were in place, both women hugged Eddie and Buck tenderly, chatting and interacting under the scrutinizing look from the couple on the table.

“Please, we all know Eddie’s forte is not in the kitchen.” Josephina expressed the opinion she and Isabel seemed to share, as they both shook their heads at Eddie’s sour expression, reminding them of his younger self. Which, it seemed, hadn’t changed much. “Although, Isabel tells me the new fence on the patio is your work, Edmundo.”

“Who is our guest?” Ramon cut in with a change of subject, and from his tone, Buck was clearly all but a guest on this Christmas dinner.

“I’m Evan Buckley, a pleasure to meet you, mr. Diaz.” Buck came closer and offered Ramon his hand, who took it with a closed off expression. “And you too, ms. Diaz.”

“So you are Buck.” Helena mused, tilting her head to the side and scanning Buck from head to toe. “Christopher has been talking about you the entire week, which is strange since you’re not fa-”

“Mom.” Eddie interrupted, his tone definite and sharp, ready to stop the discussion before it started.

“Evan is a very close friend of the family, Helena.” Isabel answered, placing a gentle hand over Buck’s broad shoulders. “And he’s great with Edmundo and Christopher. We love having him around, and he’s always welcomed in our houses.”

Buck’s blue eyes were suddenly thankful, even if his posture was still lacking his normal openness under the judging eyes of Helena and Ramon. Although, Buck heard about Eddie’s parents before, so he dreaded what could come next. His eyes met his best friend’s for a moment, and he could see it clear as day as the tension grew on his expression.

“Come on, we need to set the table.” Josephina grabbed one of the casserole plates from the counter and signaled for Eddie and Buck to do the same. “Or we’ll have our _pequeño_ complaining soon enough.”

This was a good Christmas, Eddie strengthened the thought he had the entire day.

If he said it enough times he would believe it.

-

Several minutes went by before Isabel announced that the turkey was now perfectly roasted. Snapping out of his own world, Eddie turned away from Chris and Buck, who were on the couch, playing and chatting about things only they seemed to understand, and went to help his _abuela._ He placed the main dish in the center of the table and adjusted the others so everything could fit, especially with the plates and cutleries Isabel was now setting down.

And so, to the sound of old christmas songs he got used to hearing from his childhood in El Paso, Christmas Dinner had started in the Diaz residence.

“So what do you do with your life, Buck?” Ramon asked as he poured himself a glass of wine from one table end.

Eddie stiffened as he fished a few slices of turkey for himself. This was starting off the wrong way, but there was little he could do, so he sat back on his chair. He looked from the people sitting next to him, Chris and Isabel, who was sitting on the other end of the table, to Buck in front of him, who still wore a polite smile.

“Oh, I’m a firefighter.” he answered with that always present pride in his face whenever someone asked about his job. “We have a truly great team here in LA.”

“Christopher, honey, do you need help with your food?” Helena asked, looking worriedly at Chris as the boy held his cutleries, ready to sink in his food. “Eddie, help him!”

Eddie looked down at his son, completely unaware of his _abuela’s_ sharp eyes trained on his father. “Christopher is capable of doing this on his own, mom. Right, buddy?”

“Yes!” and proving his words, Chris got his fork in one smooth motion towards his mouth. “It’s really good, _bisabuela!”_

“Oh, thank you, sweetie.” Isabel smiled gently, proud to have all her family reunited, despite all the distance and unnecessary tension her own son and his wife were making Eddie and Buck feel. “I’m sure dessert will be just as good.”

Eddie smiled as he watched the tip of Buck’s ears getting red.

Minutes went flying by, and between parallel conversations and Christopher’s laughs, Ramon’s attention turned back to Buck. Helena and himself observed closely all the interactions and the close proximity the stranger seemed to have with their son. They acted like they were family, which, ever since the first moment they met, only brought Helena and Ramon dissatisfaction.

Shannon should be sitting there with them, not this stranger. 

“Where are you from, Buck?” Ramon asked, ignoring or not seeing the heavy looks Isabel and Josephina were throwing his way. “I assume you’re from around here, since you know the city so well.”

Buck’s eyes shifted to Eddie’s before turning them back to Ramon, who waited, watching him like a fox watched its prey.

“I’m from Pennsylvania, sir. Left there when I was eighteen.”

“Oh, trying your luck in a big city, then? No luck on your home town?” Helena asked, and coming from any other person, that would have been an innocent question. But Eddie knew that nothing good would come out from this questioning. He knew this was completely off from the gentler way Pepa and his _abuela_ would ask about Buck’s life. They listened to him, poked some fun to make him less uncomfortable, as if they’ve been friends for years.

So unlike his parents, who only seemed to pressure Buck into sharing his past to use it against him. So they could criticize him.

“Actually, I left Pennsylvania to discover my calling.” Buck shrugged, filling his plate with more of the mac and cheese before it ended. “And I’m happy with my decision. I’m thriving more here in LA than I did anywhere else. I work with an amazing team, and there are people I love here, too.”

His eyes fell on Eddie’s hazelnut eyes, and an affectionate smile bloomed on his pinky lips.

“Our Eddie here also decided to come here, and well, it seems we’ll be having another firefighter in the family.” Josephina answered, sharing the good news proudly, even though Eddie only gave them all a tiny smile in return, not really going through the trouble of explaining that he wasn’t still admitted. 

“My dad is a firefighter! Like Buck!” Chris could barely hide his excitement, and he almost slipped from his chair as he jumped in place. But before he could fall, Eddie anchored him with a hand on his shoulders, and some of the tension from his chest melted away as he saw the pure tenderness on his kid’s eyes.

A heavy silence settled between them, only broken by Helena’s disappointed sigh the purse of her lips. She shared a meaningful look with Ramon, who shook his head.

“What a great example.” Ramon murmured derogatorily against his wine glass, and Buck could feel his patience slowly slipping from his grasps as he watched Eddie’s discomfort grow.

“Until when are we going to keep learning about your life like this, Eddie? Until when are we going to be the last people to learn about your now career, or about your failed marriage-” 

Buck watched as Eddie’s silverware slipped from his fingers and fell with a loud ringing sound against his almost empty plate. He could see his best friend was having an internal debate, trying to keep everything under control, under a veil or neutrality. He tried his best to avoid this discussion in the middle of Christmas dinner and in front of Chris, who, thankfully, still haven't caught up with the tension cutting through the air.

“Nothing is certain yet, mom.” Eddie cleared his throat and filled Chris’ half empty glass with more juice to have something to do with his hands. “That’s why I didn’t mention.”

“But what about Shannon?” Helena gestured with her hands and shook her head disappointed in her son, all grown up and independant. “Eddie, you got married and had a beautiful kid together, why is it that you think the divorce is the only way out? You can try again. Restart. You two are a family.”

“She was here earlier to drop Christopher back.” Ramon pointed out, his eyes shifting from his son to his grandkid. “She didn’t say much, but we aren’t blind. We know she misses you, and you her. It’s not right for a single man to work and raise a kid at the same time. And what about Chris? What will people start to say?”

Eddie rose from his chair abruptly, the wood dragging against the floor loudly. He looked at Chris, ignoring the stunned faces all around the table and said, swallowing the tough words that were once again stuck in his throat. “Hey, _mijo,_ I just remembered Buck and I got a present for you, wanna see?”

Chris nodded with a smile. He grabbed his crutches and left the kitchen with Eddie, leaving the aggressive silence behind him. Buck could barely hide his annoyance towards Eddie’s parents, now that he watched them taking stabs on their son. And the moment he watched Isabel follow Eddie and Christopher out of the kitchen, he couldn’t hold back his mouth, betraying the promise he made about keeping it all quiet.

“You know, Eddie is an amazing man.” His blue eyes, normally filled with warmth, were now cold and deadly on Helena and Ramon. “I may know him for a small period of time, but it’s clear he loves Christopher more than anything. He tries so hard everyday to give that kid his best, and that makes him strong. Which is very different from what you make him feel: weak.”

That only seemed to agitate the couple further.

“What do you think you know about our son? You’re a stranger, not a part of this family!” Helena threw back exasperated. How dare this man come to their christmas dinner and act like Eddie’s spokesperson? Like he knew Eddie better than his own parents!

“I know that Eddie nor Shannon failed their marriage. Christopher’s well being was always their first thought, and unlike how you might think, Eddie is not alone here. He has a family that loves and supports him for being who he is. He doesn’t need people pointing at him, criticizing him, only needs support.”

“You know nothing, boy. You don’t know us, and you have no rights believing you are a part of this family.” Ramon answered, voice booming with disdain. “I suggest you go back to your own family, that is, if you really have one.”

“That’s enough!” Eddie’s voice reverberated through the living room, but Buck was so shocked with the words the couple were shooting him, that he only noticed Eddie’s presence when he came back to the kitchen. “I cannot believe you didn’t respect my son’s presence. Your grandson.”

Josephina pushed her unfinished plate away and sighed, filling her wine glass to the brim. 

“Oh, now it’s our fault? How many times are you going to keep lying to yourself, Eddie?” Helena asked, a sad smile on her lips. “You need to come back to El Paso. If not with Shannon, at least alone. Give your kid some consistency in his life. He doesn’t deserve to live in the shadows of your mistakes.”

Ramon shook his head grimmly.

“You almost look like one of those men,” Ramon spatted with poison, “that live alone, pretending to have everything figured out, but in truth are completely lost. You know, they even have orgies with other men. A bunch of girlish fag-” 

“Ramon, if I listen to another word coming out of your mouth, I swear to God.” Josephina said sharply, tired and completely undisposed for another minute of her family _quality time._

But that had hurt, Eddie felt deep into his roots. Those hadn’t been words too far from what he had to listen the entire week, but the way his dad said it and to express it in front of Buck, of all people. His friend looked more and more like a kicked puppy, but his eyes were flaring with anger. No one dared to say a word, and the silence stretched uncomfortably in the room. It startled them all when the cackling of a chair against the floor broke that silence, and they watched as Buck rose, his face emotionless to everyone else around the table. Everyone except Eddie.

“Thank you for the dinner, I’ll go say goodbye to Chris and Isabel.” He gently rested his hand on Pepa’s shoulders, who sighed in defeat as she watched him go. “And Merry Christmas.”

Eddie’s face was burning red, both with anger and shame from the humiliation his parents managed to bring forward, in front of Pepa, and in front of, _goddammit,_ Buck. Eddie didn’t deserve any of that, he only deserves the best, yet he could already feel reason vanishing from his insides, could see his insecurities hug him tight, saying that it was for the best that two broken people stayed their distance, since neither knew how to defend themselves.

But as soon as he noted Buck passing by him and opening the door, he didn’t have to think twice before following. That is, until Helena commented, indignant, “Where do you think you’re going, Eddie? We haven't finished dinner yet.”

He tensed, turned, and fixed his hardened eyes on them, sparing them one last explanation for his actions, “Eat by yourselves. You already managed to take everything I wanted from this Christmas, there’s nothing left for me here.”

And with that, he let the door slam shut behind himself and didn’t waste another moment before quickening his pace to follow the man who approached the green beetle without turning back.

“Buck, wait!” He grabbed Buck’s forearm. And, as he found those beautiful blue eyes he so loved, he realized he wasn’t the only one who got shattered into pieces. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t feel sorry for me, Eddie, feel it for yourself.” Buck shook his head, feeling his heart weightening down with anguish as he looked back at Eddie, the man he learned to love day after day, let himself be mistreated that way. He knew that Eddie had always been a great fighter during every moment of his life. But right there, watching him surrender to the poisonous words his parents offered, it hurt Buck deeper than he could voice. “I’m not sad for myself, but for you. You don’t deserve this, Eddie.” 

Eddie wanted to agree, but suddenly, the dark, heavy tendrils of fear and insecurity wrapped itself around him, closing him in with no way of escaping, like a iron fist closing in around his heart and dragging him back to the eye of the storm, getting him far, far away from daylight, from reason, and love. He couldn’t say if it was some kind of divine punishment or karma, from finally finding his heaven only to be pulled aggressively down to hell.

All he wanted was to wipe all that pain from Buck’s eyes.

“I thought we were, or one day, we could be-” Buck started, but his words died on his throat. Eddie watched those blue eyes staring at the stone path. His face was slightly turned away from Eddie, as if he wanted to hide his embarrassment, to hide his words.

He reorganized his words before trying again.

“You know, when we took Chris to see Santa, the elf lady who brought him back said the best thing I heard for a very long time.”

Eddie waited with his heart falling down to his stomach as Buck’s eyes shone with unshed tears. His shoulders were tense, as if he wanted to be anywhere but there. Anywhere but with Eddie.

Because Eddie screwed everything. He screwed everything up _again._

“When you and Chris walked away, she said we had an adorable son.” Buck gave him a watery smile, swallowing around the tight knot in his throat. “You and I. Like a family. It sounded like a dream, this afternoon when we-”

Eddie closed his eyes, this time he was the one needing to calm his breathing, but each breath felt like fire burning him with distress. It was better off for Buck, really, if he left Eddie now. That way, he wouldn’t have to deal with someone not worthy of his time, of his love.

Buck’s voice was small and shaky, and in Eddie’s opinion, so much worse than any heated discussion full of shouts. 

“I waited to see a sparkle from the Eddie I love.” Evan smiled, his gaze full of love, even with all the devastation that battled on his face. “I waited to see the man I love fight for himself, fight for us. Where was he, Eddie? Where _is_ he?” 

Eddie’s face contracted as he tried to pull the most neutral expression he could while feeling his heart breaking all over again. Buck didn’t deserve this, he didn’t deserve all this package. He didn’t deserve a coward, not someone who would take a step forward only to take two steps back.

“How can I fight for what we never had, Buck? You waited for me, and that maybe was your biggest mistake.”

Buck’s throat was dry. He blinked the sting away from his eyes, and his face, always so open and joyful, now was covered with shadows and a painful fog. Nodding shortly, he turned away, again distancing himself from Eddie, until something stopped him. Eddie watched him confused, his brown eyes focused on Buck’s movement as he gathered something from the inside pockets of his jacket and offered it to Eddie.

Eddie’s shaking hands held a small brown envelope, but his eyes could only see the best gift LA could have ever given him, on that unusual September’s day at a random record store.

“Merry Christmas, Eddie.” Buck said as he turned away once more, his long legs taking him far from the Diaz residence.

Alone on the sidewalk with only his stupidity, Eddie watched stunned as the beetle got away, disappearing down the road. He couldn’t tell how long he stood there, seconds or minutes, feeling completely detached from his own body, numb with Buck’s words. Slowly, he contemplated the envelope, only to open and see one of the copies from the pictures they took earlier that same day.

The three were inside that tiny cubicle, and Eddie was sporting a wide smile, worry free. In his lap, Christopher seemed to be competing with Buck on who could pull the ugliest face, but you could see the pure glee on each of their crooked faces. Unconsciously, his fingers caressed Chris’ and Buck’s images, so happy and unaware of what the rest of the day would bring them.

He startled at the sound his own sob, broken and unwanted, pouring from the prison that was Eddie’s chest, but one which Eddie couldn’t hold back anymore, not after the week, not after this.

If there was anyone else on that deserted street, they’d have seen a lone figure standing still on the steps of a cozy yellow house. His face, though, was tight with sorrow, smeared with tears. His shoulders slumped forward and shaking uncontrollably yet mutedly, because that man carried the weight of the world on his back.

And if there were another someone crossing over the road under the red street lights, and if they watched closely, attentively, they would have seen another man, a driver inside his beetle, overtaken with sadness. His tears tracked down his cheeks with no remorse, and his knuckles were white and unmovable from the steering wheel.

But there wasn’t anyone. Only other families in other houses, close and far from that block, celebrating and appreciating the Christmas Spirit, basking on the warmth and love between their loved ones.

This was the worst Christmas ever.

-

If what Eddie had felt the week before now, in the presence of his parents, was gunpowder tracks slowly falling in the direction of a lit fire, the couple of days before New Year felt like the fire itself. The flames licked closer and closer to the walls he had built all those years ago to protect himself against the insistence of his parents. LA had brought him a fresh start, like he could finally breathe freely again without worrying about following someone’s footsteps, to become someone else’s version of a respected man.

Tonight, a few hours to 1980, all he could feel was the wounding pressure over his chest, and the bile that churned inside his stomach every time he replayed that evening on the 25th. Now, even with his insides completely blended and mixed into something unrecognizable, Eddie still managed to enjoy the day with his son, only Chris and himself, savoring a familiar peace, which was something he grasped with all his might ever since coming back from his tour.

His eyes were fixed unfocused on the red plastic cup on his grasp, and they slowly fell on his scar on the back of his hand from that time he got shot on duty. According to his team and his family, it was an honor to receive such a high medal like the silver star, because it showed how far he went to save the lives of his friends.

But how many nights, nights he stopped counting, Eddie woke up drenched in sweat, with his heart threatening to come out and his breathing shallow, feeling a bitter taste against his tongue as he remembered? All the lives he took, all the scars that weaved through his body, reminding him, unlike the pride he first thought he would feel while serving his country, of the horror and the regrets of finding himself in the middle of a minefield, teasing death and receiving traumas that followed him as his own shadow every second of his life?

To be the man others want him to be, to be a husband, a father, a _hero._ Those things couldn’t be far from how he felt right at that moment, in his _abuela’s_ backyard. Around him, if he lifted his head from its downward position, Eddie would see Ramon and with some family friends Eddie had not enough intimacy to want to start a conversation with, all standing around a grill as the night fell on them.

He shifted his eyes down to his watch, following the pointers ticking as they marked the time. 10:45pm. That bitter taste came back to his mouth, and he knew it had nothing to do with the beer he was drinking, but all to do with that night six days ago, when all fell on him and Buck with no preamble. He was tired, _so_ tired of feeling as though he had to carry it all on his shoulders. 

He felt the sting coming back to his eyes, his tears always ready to spill, just like they had been on these last few days, even though he had blessedly spent them away from his parents. No contact at all. The same way his attempts to call Buck always fell short, since his calls went to voicemail.

Eddie didn’t know if he was trying to seek forgiveness he didn’t deserve from Buck, or if it was something else, but he wanted to at least apologize. He longed to see those blue eyes one last time, if Buck decided he never wanted to see him again. He wouldn’t blame him. Neither if he only ever wanted to see Chris. Not after all Eddie had put him through.

As if a silent call, he felt a tiny hand cupping his chin and instantly his gaze fell on the owner of that hand, and Eddie smiled as he laid his eyes on those so alike Shannon’s. As days went by, he noticed more and more resemblances of him on Chris’ personality, and he only wished he could believe he was the man his son so clearly admired. That _abuela,_ Pepa, his friends and even Buck believed he was.

A man that takes one step forward and never turns back with his tail between his legs.

Like Eddie.

“Dad!” Chris exclaimed and let himself be manhandled by Eddie’s strong arms until he sat on his lap, _“Bisabuela_ is looking for you. She’s making _quesadillas!”_

Christopher’s accent only widened the smile on Eddie’s lips. There wasn’t a star that shone brighter than he did on Eddie’s private sky.

“Alright, _mijo,_ we’ll go in a moment. Let’s just stay here for a while, yeah? Just me and you.” Chris nodded and laid his hands on Eddie’s bigger ones over his lap. His eyes behind the lenses were full of meaning, but what it meant, Eddie wouldn’t be able to tell. Sometimes, not even Eddie could understand how a kid, someone so young, can be so much wiser than people normally expect.

“You’re sad, dad.” which definitely wasn’t a question. “Do you also miss Buck?”

And there it was. Eddie Diaz’ lame excuse of self control slipped through his fingers like thin sand.

Eddie swallowed, hugging Christopher tighter and completely grateful for Shannon for this gift. For God or the universe to have provided him a second chance to make up for all the time he lost when his fears and insecurities told him he’d never be a good father, making him lose the here and now.

Wasting precious time.

Shannon’s cold and tired words echoed around his head once more, but this time, they had a hidden purpose.

_I don’t want a provider, Eddie. I want a partner._

He could feel the answer emerging slowly from the deep waters of his conscience, and maybe that was why that his boy, only nine years old, was there, wisely showing him he was losing his time being someone he was not, someone never truly happy.

“I do, buddy.” Eddie smiled, straightening Chris’ unruly curls gently. His smile became pained as he realized that was the same thing Buck always did to Chris’ hair. Whenever he was around the movie or music nights on Eddie’s place, or when Chris insisted Buck would read him a bedtime story. Eddie had those precious memories all for himself, when Buck would look down at a sleeping Chris with uncontained love, his fingers caressing those locks so alike his. “All the time.” 

_She said we have an adorable son._

“Why isn’t he here with us?” Chris’ curious and childish gaze watched him like all the answers to his questions were right in front of them, but Eddie was the only one who couldn’t see them. Blind by the walls he had built, walls that he felt cracking open, crooked and close to collapsing. “He is family.”

It felt like a punch to his gut.

“He is, isn’t he?”

“Buck is my best friend, dad! He is so cool, we play together and eat ice cream and Buck tells me stories.” Chris smiled and told it all to Eddie like Eddie didn’t already know. “And he has the best hug!”

Eddie didn’t hold back a mocking exasperated look.

“I thought I had the best hug!” the expression didn’t last much as he watched his kid throw his head back, laughing with his entire body. “I’m hurt.”

“You have the best hug too, dad. But Buck always tickles me and carries me on his shoulders!” The boy answered, his smile always present, shining brighter than the string of lamps over their heads. “He takes care of us, and we take care of him, right?”

Those blue, tearful eyes snapped on his mind again, and Eddie suddenly could find his voice anymore. He nodded. After a couple of minutes swaying his kid back and forth in his embrace, he felt his lips moving against his skin as he said, almost like a secret.

“You’re gonna be fine, kid.”

And that was it for Eddie. To look Chris in the eyes and see the trust and love pouring out of them and on him. To be receiving it so freely because in Chris’ mind Eddie no doubt deserved it and maybe even more, was the last drop of gunpowder onto the fire. And it burned the whole track.

_All I want is a little damn time! Can you give me that?_

Dropping a few kisses on his kid’s hair, Eddie put Chris back on his feet, making sure to give him his crutches before crouching in front of him. He promised to himself again to always give this kid his best. Finally, he gave up going against the tide, and now, _with_ it, he would fight.

For himself, for Chris.

For Buck.

“I love you, kid. More than anything.”

“I love you too, dad.” Chris answered giggling, apparently oblivious to the transformation that was happening inside his dad. “To the moon and back!”

Eddie smiled again, being reminded by the echo of conversations between Buck and Chris. “To the moon and back, _mijo._ Look, I need to do something really important, can you stay here with your _bisabuela_ and Pepa?”

The happy nod Chris gave him was all he needed. As he rose, he found Josephina watching them both closely with a knowing smile on her lips;

_“Tía-”_

“Don’t worry, Edmundo. Chris is in good hands, we’ll take care of him.” She closed the distance and hugged him so warmly, Eddie felt his eyes closing. “Now, take care of yourself. And Evan.”

Untangling herself from the embrace and giving her nephew a once over, Josephina’s smile grew with pride.

“There it is, the spark I’m used to seeing.” She gave him a couple of pats on his cheeks before joining Chris next to a table with snacks and dishes that awaited till midnight.

Giving them one last glance, he quickly walked back to the house to grab his jeans jacket by the front door, but before he could actually reach it, Helena’s voice came from the living room.

“Eddie, where are you going in such a hurry? It’s late, and soon it’s time!” She came around holding a tray of newly made _quesadillas._ She must have been coming from the kitchen and Eddie hadn’t seen her. “It looks like you’re going to put out a fire. Relax, your whole family is here.”

Sighing, Eddie turned back from the door and stared right into her eyes, not completely sure how he should answer.

“No,” he began, getting closed to his mom, ignoring her confusion and frustration. He was so focused he didn’t see Isabel approaching from the kitchen, cleaning her hands on her apron. “Not all my family is here. Buck’s not here.”

Helena’s eyebrows raised higher, not understanding Eddie, as if what he was saying had no sense at all. It was an expression Eddie knew all too well, from back when he was a kid full of questions and curiosity. But it deflated with time, and Eddie stopped asking.

It took a long time, but he finally realized that he wouldn’t keep on being quiet.

“Who’s Buck?” She asked, placing the tray on the living room table. Her expression changed as she remembered, and it soon turned sour. “Oh, that rude man from Christmas? The bad influencer?” 

Eddie gave her a scorning smile, feeling all those flames that had burned him down now coursing through his veins and making him fight.

“That man did more for me and my son in these last two years than you and dad have ever dreamed of.” Eddie shook his head, glad to finally take that weight out of his body. “I’ve been happier by his side than I’ve ever been on yours.”

Helena sighed, tired and impatient, as she dragged a hand through her face.

“Honey, what are you talking about?” she made to approach Eddie, gently as if to not scare him. Her voice was carefully peaceful, but she was clearly holding her emotions inside before she exploded. “This is not you, you’re just confused-”

“With all respect, mom, which is something neither of you ever had towards me,” His eyes caught Ramon approaching the room, putting a protective arm over Helena’s waist, like Eddie was some kind of monster attacking his wife instead of their son. He continued, “you don’t know who I am. Or what my son likes to do in his free time, or that Chris is intelligent and smart enough that he doesn’t need to be treated like a baby, like you make him feel. Or like you make _me_ feel the entire goddamn time. But I’m done. I’m awake.”

“We knew that coming to LA would transform you, Eddie.” Ramon’s face was a mix of mourning with disappointment. “Look at all you’ve accomplished in the past. You enlisted, became a sergeant _and_ a military doctor, got married, had a kid… Are you throwing it all away? At what cost?” 

“Time! From my life!” Eddie’s voice became high and tight with nerves, and it usually would scare him, but doing so right now felt right and freeing, especially seeing how his parents eyes widened in surprise. “All this time being someone I’m not, living this life I built, where I’m _not_ happy! The Eddie you knew isn’t me. That Eddie led a life of lies! How long will I have to wait to be _happy?!”_

“What this fantasy life you _so_ want to live will bring you?” Ramon snapped, voice as dangerous as Helena’s straight posture by his side. “Be a firefighter? Kill yourself working to support Christopher? How will that be good for him? How is that a consistent life for either of you? And his safety, how will that work out while you’re putting yourself at risk everyday with a job like this?”

“Eddie, you need to give Christopher a better place to grow. And that’s in El Paso, by our side. With me and your dad.” Helena said with a shaky voice. Her eyes were shining with a new light as she looked at Eddie like he was a complete stranger. And if Eddie didn’t already know how his parents acted and manipulated a discussion, he would have already apologized. “Don’t drag Chris down with you, he doesn’t deserve this.”

Eddie dragged his hands through his hair, feeling some unruly strands falling on his tense forehead. His parents’ disappointment and misplaced concern stabbed him like daggers, but he wouldn’t give in, he wouldn’t step down. Not again.

“These last few days spending them together with you, I realized how I have everything I want in life, and how I got it all on my own. We can be family by blood, but,” his minds provided him with memories of Hen, Chim, Bobby, Athena, Buck and Maddie, and how they had almost instantly adopted him to their mismatched family. He felt relaxed, relieved even, when he spent time with them, which was such a different feeling from how he felt when he spent time with his parents. “I’ve already chosen my family, and I found them here. I don’t need to be who you want me to be anymore, and my only mistake was to have waited so long to realize that. Longer than Sophia and Adriana.”

“Your sisters would never _do_ what you’re doing to us, Edmundo. They’d never disgust us like that.” Ramon answered, pointing a finger at his son’s face while his poisonous words ran free. “You think I don’t know? That your mom and I didn’t notice you and that stranger on Christmas? The way he looked at you, and you’re dragging our grandkid into this? Into something so unnatural?”

Gulping down the nauseating wave those words brought, Eddie could feel his heart breaking down. Shame latched into him, trying to make him feel embarrassed by his love for Buck that only ever grew. Then the blue eyes were back, heavy and full of pain from a memory of their last encounter.

_I waited to see a sparkle from the Eddie I love._

_I waited to see the man I love fight for himself, fight for us. Where was he, Eddie? Where is he?_

“You know, someone once taught me I only need to be myself to find out what I want, what I deserve.” Eddie answered, thinking back on all the conversations he had with Buck, and all the support they got from his _abuela_ and Pepa. “I can’t undo my mistakes, much less get back all the time I lost, but I can finally do something you’ve always stopped me from doing. Live.”

And so, Eddie faced both sets of eyes which were so like his, looking back at him with disbelief and, more importantly, defeat. They were watching him with new eyes, and Eddie didn’t mind.

He was finally going to find out who he truly was.

Eddie turned to Isabel, who was watching him with tearful eyes. Behind the watery exterior, he could see pride and love mixed together, for him. He came close to her, kissing her on the cheeks, like he always did whenever he greeted her or said goodbye. She opened her arms and welcomed him, blessing him with her usual cross movements over his chest.

“God will take care of you, _mio nieto.”_ she pinches his cheeks, taking Eddie back to his childhood. “I love you.”

“Thank you, _abuela.”_ He gave her a shy smile. This woman had given him so much in exchange for nothing. “I love you too.”

He hesitated before grabbing the doorknob, and turned to Helena and Ramon one last time. 

“If you still want to spend time with Christopher, I won’t deny you that, it’s your right.” Eddie shrugged, eyes momentarily falling on his kid playing in the backyard with the other kids under Josephina’s gaze. “As for your son, if you’re looking for your perfect, ideal model of a son, I’m sorry to say, but he died tonight.”

The door slammed shut behind Eddie, and going as fast as he could towards the nearest taxi spot, he finally made peace with the fear that had been following him like a shadow, leaving it on the steps of the house.

This time, he was ready to welcome freedom. 

-

His hazel eyes barely shifted as the roads blurred quickly on the other side of the car window, and only ever moved to catch the time on his watch. People were already lighting fireworks, and he shrinked everytime the explosions reminded him of more familiar sounds. But he needed to march on, he needed to fight, not hide. Eddie wouldn’t be able to deal with the sizable guilt otherwise.

The watch read 11:35 pm.

Time seemed to challenge him, running at full speed to mock his nerves.

Finally at the firehouse, Eddie opened the taxi door before it completely parked, and he only turned back to tell the driver he’d be right back. Or so he supposed, if Buck never wanted to ever see him again. With determined steps, he entered the place, walking distractly as he searched for that tall, blond head. He frowned when he didn’t find him in the locker room and neither near the trucks.

Did he mix the dates up? He certainly remembered Buck having told him about how he would be working on the New Years Eve to cover for Hen so she could travel on the weekend with her family, and so, getting all the extras it came with covering. Eddie had been disappointed until Buck told him he had two free days after that.

But if he weren’t there, where was he? In an emergency?

Before he could ask other firefighters for more information, Eddie recognized Bobby’s voice from the second floor, on top of the stairs.

“Eddie? What are you doing here?”

He was relieved to see a known face, and he climbed up the stairs two at a time so he could get to the captain, who looked back at him confused.

“Hey, Bobby, I’m looking for Buck.” Eddie went straight to the point, but before he could apologize for his lack of grace, he saw Bobby’s face turning from confused to knowing, so he continued, “Is he on a call?”

“I dismissed him.”

Eddie tilted his head to the side, not understanding it.

“What? He’d told me he’d cover for Hen and-”

“Yes. He came and he would still be here, but after these last few days… I realized he needed some rest. To get back on track.” Bobby answered, analyzing Eddie’s frown before shaking his head. Bobby believed to know, or at least suspected, what had gotten with the newest member of the 118’s good humor, and his unusual demonstration of sorrow.

When he spoke again, it wasn’t with his formal Captain Nash attitude, but with the worry and curiosity of a father. “What happened, Eddie? I didn’t recognize Buck this week. We spoke, but he barely opened up. It’s not like him.”

Eddie didn’t answer, trapped in apprehension and fear of Bobby’s reaction, so the older man came closer and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Eddie.” His brown eyes finally met Bobby’s, if a little uncertain. “IT’s ok, you can trust me.”

“I,” He let out a tired breath, dragging his hand over his already disheveled hair in a nervous tick. “I fucked everything up, Bobby, I broke his heart. I need to find him. I need to tell him-”

His words got lost in the air, which showed how distressed Eddie really was. It was completely different from the man who came down here a couple of days ago. He’d been shy, but still confident as he held a bouquet for Buck in one hand, and the paperwork for the application for the LAFD on the other.

“He needs to know.” Diaz could barely recognize the urgency of his own voice. He only wanted to find Buck, it was all that mattered. “He needs to know I’m sorry.”

“Something tells me our Buckaroo is home, Eddie. I managed to speak with Maddie before the shift started today, and he’d refused her extended invitation to dinner with the two of us.” Chim’s voice came from behind the captain, and Eddie blinked, surprised to only now realize Chim was lounging on the couch. “You still have time, but you need to run.”

Searching Bobby’s eyes, he recognized the protector flare that was always there when things involved Buck. 

“You know what to do, Diaz.” And with one last pat on Eddie’s shoulders, Bobby turned back to the kitchen, hands in his pockets, before saying, “He fought for you. Now is the time you did the same to him.”

Eddie nodded, determined, and didn’t waste anymore time with goodbyes. He practically ran back to the taxi, who thankfully, was still waiting for him. He quickly gave the driver the new direction and waited.

His nerves were wired up, and his blood pumped fast on his ears, as he saw time flying by. The LA traffic, even though it was almost midnight, didn’t help any of it, especially not the sudden need to be besides Buck. They were stuck on a traffic light only a block away from Buck’s apartment, and he couldn’t stop his legs from jumping nervously. A handful of young adults, maybe a little younger than Eddie himself, caught his attention as they walked past the car on the sidewalk. They looked like they had all the time in the world in their hands, cups and bottles clicking as they smiled and laughed, with not a single worry in mind.

And all Eddie wanted was time. 

He needed it. Buck and he deserved it.

His thoughts were so fast and far away, thinking only of Buck, that he barely caught on with the song that was playing on the radio. _Everything I own_ by Bread, the same band Eddie had gifted Buck with a disc.

He looked down again at his watch. 11:49 pm.

The moment the taxi turned the corner and Buck’s apartment came on view, he mumbled out a thanks, gave the driver a handful of cash and sprinted to the building. His heart was beating fast as he got into the lobby and the elevator…. 

…. was busy on another floor.

“Shit!” Eddie cursed, thinking quick on the options he had. To wait for the elevator would be wise, but he didn’t want wise, he wanted fast. His eyes fell in the emergency stairs, and he didn’t hesitate before shouldering it open and climbing them as fast as he could. His heavy breathing and loud steps were the only thing echoing the higher he got until the fourth floor. Even from the secluded place he was, he could still hear the fireworks going off, and it ticked off his anxiety, blurring his concentration.

_You sheltered me from harm_

_Kept me warm, kept me warm_

_You gave my life to me_

_Set me free, set me free_

_The finest years I ever knew_

_Were all the years I had with you_

“Wait just a little longer, Evan.” Eddie breathed out, his hands gripping firmly and uncomfortably on the iron handrail, trying to control himself before a panic attack hit him in full force, the more the explosions went off. “Just a little longer.”

Finally getting his breathing under control, he reached the third floor and before he got back into the last set of stairs, he noticed the elevator doors opened, and in a moment of relief, he runned into it. That was when he saw Buck’s neighbour by his side.

Ms. Hopkins widened eyes were fixed on him, but instead of saying anything, she stepped to the side, shrinking on herself and getting as far from the man as she could in this tiny space.

He waited quietly himself, not wanting to create any unwanted drama while stuck next to the woman, who carried a few brown bags, looking like she was carrying more weight that she could. 

The moment the doors opened, Eddie got out in a hurry without looking back until he heard a crash from inside the elevator. The bags had fallen from her arms, and now eggs, cans and glass were all smeared on the floor. She looked up to him, eyes begging for help. She tried to hold the doors before they closed while holding another bag on her other hand, but she herself looked like she was about to fall if she moved.

“The doors are going to close, hold it!”

Eddie took a step forward, hesitating for a second and wondering if he should really help her, but before he got to a sensible conclusion, her face turned dark and angry.

“Are you deaf, you faggot? I said ‘hold it’!”

Eddie didn’t feel any remorse as he took two steps back, for the first time actually felt proud by backing down. He shrugged as he watched the doors closing on the sad woman’s face.

“Sorry, ma’am, but this faggot right here is really busy, but have a happy New Year!” Eddie smiled and waved and waited until the doors were completely closed before turning on his heels and stopping right in front of a familiar door.

He knocked, adrenaline still running crazy on his system. The longer he waited- what felt like hours but he knew logically were seconds- the more he wondered if he was too late. And the stairs wouldn’t be to blame, the traffic wouldn’t be to blame. It was all on him for failing Buck. 

And then the door opened and there it was, the owner of those blue eyes he so adored, the person who changed his life upside down, watching him in surprise. His curls were slightly messy, his white shirt rumpled, as his grey cardigan. And his eyes, now that Eddie looked closer, were puffed and red, but Eddie couldn’t tell if it was from not resting or fresh tears. 

The weight inside Eddie’s stomach grew as he looked at the man in front of him. The man who had always challenged him, ever since their first meeting. A man who never stopped being himself to accommodate others, but was just as insecure as him. Evan was there, in his pajamas, on the midnight of the first day of a new year, and showing his heart to the world, to him.

It was more than enough to take the rest of Eddie’s breath away.

_I would give anything I own_

_Give up my life, my heart, my home_

_I would give everything I own_

_Just to have you back again_

“Eddie?” Buck stared at him like the planet had somehow stopped spinning. “Something happened to Christopher?”

Before Eddie could answer, more fireworks exploded, and Eddie flinched. The triggers of old memories, buried memories, were rising, and there was little he could do to stop it.

Buck noticed something was wrong with Eddie in just a few seconds. His posture was rigid, his eyes shining and unfocused, and even in the barely lit room, Buck could see his friend’s hands were trembling, cold to the touch. The fireworks, Buck’s mind supplied. Those never went well with a war veteran.

“Come on, let’s get you inside.” he ushered Eddie in, watching his friend walking hurriedly and restlessly. It was unusual, really, because Eddie always seemed to have all his feelings under control. “What’s going on? Chris-”

“Chris is fine.” Eddie closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to gather all his courage back, because he knew Buck and he deserved it. “He’s on _abuela’s.”_

If Buck had been watching him, confused, now he was straight out worried. Hesitating, the taller man spoke again, “So what are you doing here? It’s New Years, you should be with your family.”

Eddie shook his head. His feet took him all the way to the other side of the room, stopping in front of the record playing and he watched the disc he gave Buck spinning around. Eddie couldn’t ignore the coincidence to note the same music that had been playing on the taxi radio was playing right now on the player.

“No,” Eddie said, and Buck fought a smile as he caught Eddie’s fingers poking out from Buck’s old jacket. “I mean, my family of blood is there, yes. But the family I chose is here. Was always here, the entire time.”

Eddie watched as Buck’s expression went from worried and confused to that same expression he saw that Christmas night. Pained, hurt. His eyes were what Eddie most loved about him, because even though Buck communicated in thousands of different ways, his eyes always gave away what his heart felt. And to know Eddie was the one responsible for so much pain in them was torturous, to say the least.

His calculated steps towards the door, Buck shook his head. His shoulders were set, and slowly, his face turned angry.

“Eddie, I don’t know what you came here for, but-” 

“I love you.”

_Is there someone you know_

_You're loving them so_

_But taking them all for granted?_

_You may lose them one day_

_Someone takes them away_

_And they don't hear the words you long to say_

And that definitely wasn’t what Buck had expected to hear, not even Eddie had expected it, but now that it was out… It was what it was. His heart was begging him to say it, to let that out after denying it for so long. Fighting it.

Buck watched him like he couldn’t believe what he just heard, that those words left Eddie, that he just said everything Buck ever wanted to hear.

“What?”

“I love you.” The words became even easier to slip out from his lips. He got it now, understood that their time was now. “I love you so much that sometimes it hurts to look at you and feel so much. I love Chris more than everything in this world, but it’s not the same. Because when I think of you-”

Eddie gulped as he felt the lump in his throat growing with the stinging of his eyes.

“You know, I loved Shannon. She was my wife, the mother of our kid and we had a good run, but,” he shrugged and looked away. Suddenly the intensity of those blue eyes became too much for him to deal, adding the emotions pouring out of his chest. “The love I feel inside everytime I look at you, it scares me, Evan.” 

Buck shook his head, his eyes fighting back the hope he clearly didn’t want to feel. After Bobby dismissed him, after he reclined Maddie’s invitations to her New Year’s dinner, all Buck could think of was his fear of ending up alone. Abandoned again. Never be enough to no one.

“I thought you’re ashamed of me.” Buck’s shaky voice broke Eddie’s heart, and he so wanted to change that. Those heavy, sad expressions shouldn’t be present on Buck’s open, happy, smiley face. Never. Not if Eddie could change that. “Ashamed of us. And then you pushed me away.”

“Buck, I’m not going to lie to you. I’m afraid of the judgement, afraid of going through it all again. But my biggest fear is to hurt you with it all. Eddie offered a nervous smile, his fingers curling around the long sleeves of the jacket. “You don’t need to carry all this baggage. To be with a man that fears being out the way you want to be, a man who thinks himself not worthy to be by your side. So I had to push you away, because maybe that way you could have moved on and found someone who’d make you happier than I do. But then I thought-”

Eddie took a deep breath, trying and failing to keep himself from crying. To think that this was the deepest he’d ever opened up to someone scared him. But if anyone -aside from his son- that deserved to know him from the inside out, to see into his rawest parts, it was Buck.

“I realized it was selfish of me to let you walk away from my life, Evan. These few days without you, with no shadow of your smile or your calming presence, it’s been hell. All I could think of was how stupid I’ve been, and all I wanted was to go back in time and soothe you, get that saddness to wash away.

“All this time I’ve been denying my feelings. It was so hard to deal with something that’s never spoken. A taboo.” Eddie let out a humorless snort, “Everything I’ve ever heard, that I still hear, is that this love is wrong. Hateful.

“And, damn it, I realized today that I don’t give a shit about any of this.” Eddie’s trembling voice echoed over the apartment, covering even the music still playing in the background. “Zero shits. Not when I was about to lose you. When I… When I lost you.”

“Eddie, you didn’t lose me.” Buck shook his head, his cheeks completely wet. Buck knew he was bad controlling his emotions, and he cursed internally the tears that still ran down his face. “I’ve always been here.”

“That’s the problem, Buck.” Eddie nodded, taking a couple of steps closed to Buck, who was now standing by the kitchen’s counter. Even with only the city lights illuminating their faces, Eddie could see Buck’s blue, saddened eyes trying to make way to hope. “You’ve always been here for me, for Christopher. And I only failed you, making you wait so long, losing so much time.”

_Can we talk about this later? Can I have a little goddamn time?_

“I never really managed to make peace with the concept of time, nor my fears.” He didn’t care about the tears tracking down his face, not anymore. That man in front of him needed to know much much he was loved. By him, by Chris, and by everyone from the 118, their family of choice. “I’ve always been afraid to be who I want to be, to recognize my dreams, my wants. Afraid of people’s judgement, their stares.”

Buck nodded, understanding Eddie’s point of view and waiting for the rest. The building could catch on fire, or a piano could fall on Buck’s head, but nothing would budge him from this, no. Something inside him was telling him this was it, their moment. He waited so long for these words, so long to affirm those feelings without any fear from either of them.

And there he was, Edmundo Diaz, turning his world upside down once more.

Ever since that first time in the record store.

“I’m tired, Buck. You and our friends made me finally wake up.” Eddie answered, his face suddenly turning fond and light, surprising Buck. “But especially Chris. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him, no, I’d still be drowning in fear.”

“Chris?” Buck asked, his voice shaky and small, but the fondness laid in there melted Eddie’s heart as it always did when they spoke about Chris.

“Yes. That boy teaches me things everyday, today was no different. He taught me to see that the only thing he and I need-” Eddie slowly yet ascertained closed the distance between them. His heart accelerated considerably, now that he was standing only a few inches away from Buck. “-is you, Buck. You fought for me, for us. Now is my turn to do the same. If you forgive me, and, well, if you want it.”

Eddie hated seeing that same insecurity back on Buck’s eyes. Between the two of them, Buck was the impulse, the feelings, the adrenaline. He wasn’t afraid of throwing himself headfirst in something he loved or believed. He was the kind of person who based choices on his heart only to deal with the consequences later. And that, which was completely different to everything Eddie grew up with, strengthened his admiration and pride towards Buck.

“I’m in love with my best friend. And now I know,” he softly caressed Buck’s birthmark with the back of his fingers and watched in awe Buck’s long blond lashes as his eyes closed at the touch. Buck leaned into Eddie’s hands instinctively. “that I don’t want to keep fighting time. Our time is now.”

His eyes widened as he remembered what he'd been carrying with himself in the inside pockets of his jacket all this time, and retrieved that Christmas photo to give it back to Buck. As soon as he recognized it, Buck’s eyes melted, shifting his eyes back to Eddie, who looked more serious and determined than he had been a couple of seconds ago.

“What you thought, Evan, was right. We _are_ family.”

Slowly, almost carefully, Buck’s hands fisted either side of the jacket and pulled Eddie to himself, touching their foreheads gently. Eddie saw reflected on Buck’s eyes the same intense love, trust, passion he felt, and he fell into the rabbit whole of memories of their time together.

“It’s you, Buck.” Eddie said, his breath hitting Buck on the cheeks, and Eddie was sure even he could hear the loud beats of his heart. “It’s always you.”

Blue eyes fixed directly on brown, and the passionate love Buck had been trying to hide finally showed itself, transparent in a way Eddie couldn’t ignore, couldn’t call it platonic, even if he wanted to.

“Before making any decision about us, Eddie, you need to know right here.” Buck poked Eddie on the forehead. “That we’re on the same boat. I also have a saying about this and anything that involves us as a couple. How about I decide what _I_ think I deserve? Because right now I think I deserve to have you. And what do you think you deserve?”

And right there, Edmundi Diaz let himself be Eddie. His walls had completely collapsed.

_I would give anything I own_

_Give up my life, my heart, my home_

_I would give everything I own_

_Just to have you back again_

_Just to touch you once again_

It was all it took for Eddie to find Buck’s mouth, his lips meeting in an urgent kiss, full of desire and hunger. It felt different from their first kiss, less light, less careful. It was hard and their movements craved more, wanting to make up from all their lost time.

Buck bit down on Eddie’s lower lip, taking a shy whine from Eddie’s throat. He drank up the sound, parting Eddie’s mouth with his tongue and searching for his before sucking it, deepening the kiss. He pressed Eddie flushed against his body, not wanting to lose one touching point, and he turned them around when he felt the countertop biting on his back. 

Eddie’s fingers curled around his blond locks tight, which send a jolt of arousal down Buck’s body. The way their stubbles scratched on their skin and mixing up together was a strange feeling, but one neither man seemed to mind much. Eddie tried to catch his breath after they broke the kiss, and the air had suddenly become hot around them. 

He let out a surprised moan when Buck’s lips closed on his pulse point, nibbling and sucking on the skin and down to his collarbone at the same time his hands snaked under his shirt. Buck let out a sigh the moment his hands found Eddie’s skin, and now that he found it, he never wanted to stop.

“Buck-”

Buck didn’t hear him, seemingly happy on his own little world exploring Eddie’s skin and leaving marks all over his sensitive neck. He hummed his approval when that got Eddie to tighten his grip on Buck’s back.

“Buck, wait.”

Buck’s entire body froze, and he looked down at Eddie alarmed and worried.

“Are you ok? Was it too much?” he pulled back, but Eddie held him in place before he could, burying himself in their embrace.

“No,” Buck raised his eyebrows, looking at Eddie skeptically. “I mean, I don’t know. I’ve never done this with another man before. How are you so calm?”

Eddie’s curious and hesitant expression morphed into annoyance as Buck began to laugh hysterically. 

“I’m sorry.” Buck lifted a peaceful hand, biting on his lips to try and hold back his laughs. “What gives you the impression I’m calm?”

Eddie stared at Buck like he had just affirmed two plus two equals two, and for Buck’s expression, he knew.

“Evan-”

“Look, I have zero PHDs on how to be with a man, or how sex works with one, but I like to believe I know enough about Eddie Diaz.” Buck’s smile widened and it looked almost dark and predatorily, and Eddie both loved and hated it, especially because Buck spoke in a patient, calm voice. “We don’t need to make this something more than we want. It’s only about you and me. I’m also discovering things about myself, and I also have fears, Eddie, but I want to try. I want to try it with you.”

Even if Eddie tried to avoid, his face mirrored how Buck made him feel. A mix of exasperation and affection.

“God, I don’t know why I love you.” He laughed as he felt Buck’s lips closing down on his once more, melting at the touch. Eddie let Buck’s anxious hands help him out of the jeans jacket, not giving that too much thought.

Eddie gasped as he felt Buck holding him by his ass and manhandling him until he was sitting on the counter, with Buck between his legs, looking at Eddie with unhidden arousal on those blue eyes.

His stomach flipped eagerly to think he was the one getting the man riled up like that. The thought got him even more excited and his cock twitched with interest before Eddie grinded his hips tentatively against Buck.

Buck growled and pulled Eddie even closer, kissing him longingly and taking his time as they explored what either liked, biting, nibbling, moaning. His hands went down Eddie’s back, mapping every muscle before resting over his ass. He squeezed once, making Eddie moan and shift his hips again, shameless rubbing on Buck’s stomach.

Buck was hardening fast on his sweatpants, and by the size of Eddie’s bulge, he knew he wasn’t the only one feeling pleasure rising. His hips rocked forward on Eddie, finding the wanted friction against Eddie’s thighs. They moaned in unison between kisses. 

“Do you want to-”

“Yes.” Eddie cut him. He was breathless, and his swollen lips slightly touchin Buck’s. Before Buck could act, Eddie made a quick job of taking off his shoes and socks, crossed his limbs behind Buck’s neck and hips, and waited to be carried all the way to the bedroom. Buck couldn’t contain his child-like laugh as he complied, which broke whatever worry and nerves they could still be harboring about this. 

It took Buck a few wobbly steps but he managed to drag them from the counter with Eddie on his arms. He did so with such an ease it aroused Eddie even further. He never knew Buck’s display of strength would turn him on so much, but the way his strong arms hugged Eddie’s thighs close to his body felt almost pornographic.

Not to mention the hard length pressing against his skin. Tentatively, careful so that Buck wouldn’t drop him, Eddie grinded down once while biting down on the skin that connected Buck’s neck and shoulder before lapping the mark with his tongue to soothe the pain. He wasn’t disappointed by the harsh intake of breath Buck let out.

 _“Fuck,_ Eddie.” Buck breathed out and diverted their route to press Eddie against the yellow wall, the same wall they painted two weeks ago. Buck’s hands gripped the back of Eddie’s thighs, holding him in place as he latched on his neck with a growl.

Eddie held on Buck’s back like a lifeline, whimpering as Buck’s tongue swiped over his pulsepoint. He couldn’t do more than accept Buck’s solemn attention and grind down again. This new position gave him a better angle, and his cock grazed directly on Buck’s through their pants, eliciting a moan from both men.

The heels of his feet digged on Buck’s back until his front was completely flushed with Eddie’s, and the pressure against their groins was constant. He groaned, letting his head fall against Buck’s shoulders as Buck’s hips started on a circling motion. Eddie’s cock was already rock hard inside his pants, yet, as uncomfortable as it was, it was also the best thing he had ever done.

Buck’s heavy breathing against his neck -so close to his jaw, so close- brought him back to the moment, and it didn’t take him more than a tilt of his head before Buck captured his lips in an urgent kiss.

Eddie was completely surrounded by Buck. All his senses were attacked by the man all at once, his poor heart almost not keeping up. He dragged his teeth on Buck’s bottom lip, licking it slowly as he watched those blue eyes turn their focus on his. The sparkle of intensity on them and the arousal burning hot made Eddie’s walls collapse all over again. He shivered under the gaze, never breaking eye contact, not even when he moaned out Buck’s name. 

“Bedroom?” Buck asked, lips moving over Eddie’s cheek as he spoke. He nodded, not trusting himself to open his mouth without letting out another moan.

Buck chuckled almost as if he could tell what he was doing to Eddie. He shifted Eddie on his arms again, both distressed by the loss of friction and started back on his path again. Eddie made sure not to distract Buck again, at least not like he did last time. That didn’t stop him from peppering the skin under Buck’s ear with kisses and a little bit of tongue. 

“You need to stop doing that before I- _AH!”_ Buck stumbled forward with a shout, and he would have fallen over Eddie on the floor if he hadn’t managed to find his balance at the last possible minute. 

They stood silent for a moment, looking at each other with comically wide eyes, and maybe in the future Buck would joke about Eddie’s tight koala grip he had on Buck, but Eddie could swear he saw his life flashing through his mind.

A snort broke the silence, followed by Buck’s booming laugh, free and cheerful echoing all around the hall. Eddie followed suit, be it the situation or Buck’s intoxicating joy, but he felt lighter as his shoulders shook with Buck’s.

“God, I love you so much.” Eddie said after getting himself under control.

“Hm, that’s good to know.” Buck smirked, trying to pull his most innocent face but Eddie could see the mischief hiding behind it. “Because, you know, I love you too.”

Eddie rolled his eyes but didn’t stop the large smile from spreading on his lips. It _was_ good to know, in the end Buck was right. Eddie wanted to hear Buck saying those words to him every day, wanted to bask on that love every minute, just as much he wanted to shower Buck in the same treatment. They spent too long not saying those words that now Eddie wanted to mend their fault.

He gave Buck a chaste kiss, bringing their foreheads together while he took in everything from this moment, tucking it carefully on his heart with all the other memories they’ve made together. Eddie hummed and closed his eyes, leaning his head against Buck’s shoulder again.

“Okay, you’re good to go.” Eddie said, and ended it with only the smallest of nibbles, something so soft and endearing it couldn’t distract Buck.

Yet it did. Buck hissed and shivered at the contact, drawing Eddie even closer. He felt Buck nodding and moving again, and this time Eddie truly kept it to himself. Anticipation was thrumming through his veins, and he couldn’t wait to get Buck on the bed and make him feel good, cherished the way he should be.

Buck knew Eddie loved him, but Eddie wanted to show him how much.

Finally in the bedroom, Buck didn’t bother turning on the lights before gently laying Eddie on the mattress, peeling away his clothes instead of joining in. Eddie took a minute to appreciate Buck’s form, all the muscles moving as he shrugged off his hoodie and shirt. Eddie’s stomach leaped excitedly as his attention fell south on Buck’s erection, completely highlighted on the soft grey sweatpants. He swallowed nervously.

Truly, he didn’t have the faintest idea of how to be with a man, but just like Buck said, he was willing to try this too. He trusted Buck not to go overboard on their first time, just like he trusted him to say if Eddie was doing the same.

“You okay?” Buck asked, snapping Eddie back to the moment. Buck was looking at him worriedly, but there was also a hint of fear on those eyes. “We don’t have to do anything if you are second guessing this.”

Second guessing? What was Buck talking about?

Only then did Eddie realize he was still fully clothed, and he had been watching Buck undress so still, it could easily be misinterpreted. 

“Oh, no, I’m not hesitating, Buck.” Eddie gave him a reassuring smile, which soon turned into something more daring as he admitted, “I was just admiring the sight.”

“Oh.” Buck let out, and even in the dark Eddie could see his face getting red. Eddie smiled and reached out a hand. 

“Come here and help me with this.”

And Buck did. He dragged himself in all fours until he was right on top of Eddie, looking down on him expectantly. Eddie nodded, giving Buck the permission he seemed to need and helped Buck with the buckle of his belt.

With two fingers on Buck’s chin, Eddie guided Buck to him, capturing those lips again. He sighed contently, kissing Buck like he hadn’t kissed all night long, kissing like it was their first time, adoringly and excited. He licked his way inside Buck’s mouth, appreciating Buck for letting him take the lead this time and sucking on his tongue with no preamble. 

Buck moaned against his lips, the sound muffled by Eddie’s mouth. Their hands did a quick work on the pant’s button and zipper, and Buck broke from their kiss to yank them away, taking the underwear with it.

Once they were both naked, Eddie let himself explore. He wanted, needed, to touch Buck, get to know him intimately from head to toe. His hands started off on Buck’s broad shoulders, caressing the tense muscles there, feeling Buck relax under his touch. They traveled towards his collarbones, following down the line of his chest. Buck hissed painfully when Eddie pinched one of his nipples a little too strong. He withdrew his hands immediately, his heart beating fast. He didn’t mean to hurt Buck, but he didn’t know how to react now that he did.

Shit.

But Buck gave him a reassuring smile and gently shook his head, cradling Eddie’s hand in his and placing it back on his chest. “It’s okay.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled anyway, kissing Buck gently to take Buck’s mind away from the sudden pain. He dragged two digitals over the hard nipples to amend from his harshness, and enjoyed feeling Buck’s entire body trembling at the motion.

The hands continued their journey, grabbing whatever flesh they found and leaving momentarily fingermarks on them. Eddie could spend hours exploring Buck, if he let him. It was almost hypnotising, the pull he felt towards the man, to his body and soul.

He snaked his hands over Buck’s hips, stopping his explorations right over the man’s ass, grabbing and pulling him closer. Their moans sounded as one as they found friction against each other once more, and Eddie almost lost track of what he was doing.

“Lie down,” Eddie requested against Buck’s swollen mouth. He drew in the bottom lip against his teeth again, sucking and licking, and Eddie would be happy to keep on doing that for the rest of eternity. “Please.”

“But-”

“Let me do this, Evan. Let me show you how much I love you.”

Words seemed to be stuck on Buck’s throat, but he nodded and let Eddie manhandle him on his back. It was a beautiful sight, Buck blushing and almost shy, looking at him from where he laid with eyes that shouted his adoration. Eddie was weak for those eyes.

Eddie straddled his thighs and leaned forward, kissing his way up Buck’s chest before connecting their mouths again. It was exhilarating to feel every shiver that ran over Buck whenever Eddie touched his skin. He never knew he had such power over someone, but then, Buck possessed the same power on him, so maybe it meant they were really meant to be.

His hand went south again, but this time it didn’t stop before Eddie wrapped a gentle palm around Buck. The man moaned under his touch, eyes closing momentarily as he adjusted to the new sensation of Eddie’s hand holding his cock. When he opened his eyes again, Eddie only was poorly hidden lust, begging Eddie to give him more.

And Eddie did. He stroked it, from base to tip, mentally studying how different Buck felt under his touch, how another man’s cock felt both alien and right. Buck whimpered, bringing Eddie from his observations and back to the moment, and a gasp fell from his lips as he got another look at Buck. His eyes were glistening, his face overthrown with pleasure as he bit on his lips, waiting for more but not daring to ask for it.

Eddie would have none of that.

“Good?” he asked, and Buck nodded frantically. All thoughts went flying off Eddie’s mind then, as Buck’s lips parted from a hard squeeze on his base, rocking his hips on Eddie’s hand.

Truly Buck was the most beautiful thing Eddie had ever seen.

He quickened his pace, trying new angles and taking notes on those that had Buck whimpering for more, shivering and losing control. He circled the precome from his slit with a digit, loving the way Buck squirmed and gasped wetly, before stroking down to the base again. 

Eddie was so entranced by Buck’s pleasure, living only to serve it, that he had completely forgotten his own, and a surprised moan escaped his lips when Buck’s thighs shifted between his, pressing on his cock.

“Fuck, Buck,” he moaned again when Buck repeated the motion, dragging his thigh slowly and pressing Eddie’s pulsing lenght against his lower belly. Eddie saw stars, completely lost in pleasure, but didn’t let that feeling overtake over his senses. His thoughts seemed to have a singular goal in mind, and his body sang the same song. 

_Make Buck feel good,_ chanted repeatedly on the back of his mind, pulsing in time to his heartbeat. He focused on that again, using both hands to give his all, stroking and swirling and squeezing, living for every moan and groan that found its way to his ears from Buck’s throat.

“Eddie _ah-_ not gonna l-last.” Buck warned in between heavy breaths. He threw his head to the sides, lifting his hips in time to match Eddie’s moves, and if that wasn’t the most arousing thing Eddie ever seen, he would be lying.

“It’s okay.” Eddie echoed Buck’s words from before, reassuring Buck before he lost himself in pleasure. 

Buck came with a loud gasp, his hands gripping the covers tightly as he threw his head back, closing his eyes and driving his orgasm. Eddie watched as Buck’s come covered his hands and their abdomens, strangely proud he managed to make this man, this beautiful, loving man, come apart.

A heavy hand pulled him to Buck until his chest laid on top of Buck’s. Their lips met for a long and thorough kiss, and Eddie melted on Buck’s embrace, basking with him on the calmness that came after an orgasm, even if he was still painfully hard.

As if sensing Eddie’s thoughts, Buck sneaked a hand between them, still heavy and slow from his completion, but determined to see this through. He found Eddie’s length trapped between them, hot and begging for attention, before cupping his hand gently over it, pressing down. Eddie groaned at the inviting presence, grinding down on the soft skin, and Eddie was sure he could come just like that. 

But instead, Buck broke the kiss and rested his head against the soft mattress, looking at Eddie curiously and hesitantly.

“I want us to try something. Do you trust me?”

Eddie’s heartbeat accelerated. He trusted Buck wholeheartedly, he really did, so there wasn’t any problem there. The problem laid on him. Everything was moving fast, his mind, even though he didn’t want to admit it, was having trouble keeping up with all the changes the day brought, and Eddie wanted nothing more than to hide that vile part of him.

But he knew he couldn’t hide, it wouldn’t be fair on him nor on Buck, _especially_ not on Buck. _There’s two of us in this boat,_ he reminded himself of Buck’s previous words, and he let the meaning sink. Buck knew Eddie’s fears, he’d laid them all for him to see, and the opposite was also true.

Just like Eddie, this was a first for Buck. They were exploring this together, hand in hand, and neither wanted to try anything that would overwhelm them. So Eddie, in a fit of courage and calmness, pressed his hand against Buck’s heart and nodded.

“You are, and always will be, the one person I trust fully.” No filter, he let the words fall nude and crude on Buck, and watched Buck’s face warming with the declaration. He surged forward, capturing Eddie’s lips passionately, and it was as though a switch had been pressed. Buck one again was driven by lust, parting Eddie’s lips with his tongue, entwining it with Eddie’s and drinking his moans thirsty. 

Eddie lost himself to it, and let Buck turn them around once more until Eddie was the one on his back and Buck over him. Their eyes met when parting for air, and the electricity on their gaze washed over him, pooling on his groin. His back arched as Buck chose that moment to give him a tentative squeeze, exploring and caressing until Eddie writhed under his touch.

“Buck, _oh,”_ Eddie moaned, hiding his face on Buck’s neck, sucking new bruises on that perfect collarbone as his mind began to lose its sharp edges. Buck chuckled and kissed Eddie’s hair with so much care, Eddie almost exploded with affection. Leave it to Buck to be both extremely hot and adorable at the same time.

The pressure over his cock disappeared, and Eddie would have protested against it, but any sound he would have made died on his throat as Buck leaned down to give him a reassuring kiss. With that lasting kiss, Buck moved lower on Eddie.

Oh, fuck.

“A-are you sure?” Eddie asked, realizing now what Buck had in mind. He gripped the covers with both hands, not trusting them to stay put as Buck shot him a sensual smirk.

“I can’t say I’ve ever done it to someone, but the basics seems pretty clear.” Buck’s words were teasing but his tone reassuring, so Eddie nodded and watched as Buck adjusted himself on his knees between Eddie’s spread legs, eyeing his aching cock like he was eager to taste.

Eddie never wanted to forget that face. 

Both hands rested on Eddie’s hips, its pressure another point of reassuring as Buck’s thumbs drew lazy circles on his skin. If Buck said he could do this, Eddie trusted him, he did. He wouldn’t take too much, he wouldn’t extort himself, he wouldn’t choke.

Oh God, the last thing Eddie wanted was to hurt Buck. He had half a mind to ask again if Buck was sure about this, but Buck asked if Eddie trusted him, and he didn’t want to come across as not trusting Buck, ever, so he swallowed the question down. 

He watched with a rapidly beating fast as Buck ducked down and kissed the tip, smearing his lips with a gush of precum. Eddie held his breath. The lips were a soft caress against his hot length, much more so than the fingers from early, yet it teased him more, made him crave them back on his skin with a force that Eddie could barely hold against.

It didn’t take much before Buck was back to it, this time lapping his tongue curiously around the head, and Eddie gasped at the sudden sparks of pleasure that throbbed from his cock. Buck took in his response and repeated the motion, drawing a moan from Eddie’s chest. He smiled up at Eddie, and the sinful image of Buck’s sweet smile lined up next to his raging erection short circuited Eddie’s brain.

He wasn’t sure he’d survive this.

All it took was a moment’s distraction for Buck to attack his senses again, this time by taking the head in his mouth and sucking sharply. Eddie screamed and arched his back, gripping tighter on the covers before he did anything stupid like grip Buck’s hair and force more of him down his throat. He was trembling with control, which became thinner and thinner the farther Buck managed to fit in his mouth.

“Fuck, Buck,” he whined, throwing his head against the matress and closing his eyes as Buck’s tongue mapped his cock underside. He wouldn’t last much longer, not with everything Buck was doing to him. 

In the end he only managed to take half of Eddie’s cock in his mouth without wringing himself, but that wasn’t something Eddie minded, not at all. He was barely keeping together as it was, God knows what will happen when Buck manages to get it all in.

 _Fuck,_ he moaned at the thought. He pressed his hips against the bed, fighting the natural urge to thrust into Buck, even if every cell on his body begged for it. His knuckles were white already, but he didn’t let go. He couldn’t. 

Buck started to move then, bobbing his head up and down in a tentative pace, and part of Eddie’s mind was proud to notice that his teeth had barely grazed on the tender skin. He wanted to praise Buck for his care, but every sound that left Eddie’s mouth morpher instantly into a needy noise, impatient and loud.

He bit down on his lower lip to hold those back, hating that they were so loud. Buck managed to take him mind away from that with another suck and a swirl of his tongue, and Eddie noticed horrified, through the mist of pleasure, that he was closer than he thought.

He pressed his hips harder against the bed and with a shaky hand on Buck’s jaw, he pulled him out. Maybe Buck noted the wave of fear in Eddie's eyes, because he replaced his mouth with his hand, stroking Eddie in a relentless pace.

Eddie moaned, feeling the waves of his orgasm already forming and getting closer to the tipping point.

“Eddie,” Buck said, and his voice was so rough, it sent a shiver down Eddie’s spine. “You can let go.”

_You can let go for me._

And so Eddie did. His hands flew from their forced constraint to grab whatever part of Buck’s body they could, holding him closer, bringing him back up to an embrace. Two snaps of his hips up in time to Buck’s hand was all it took, and Eddie came with a silent shout, blanking for a moment from all the sensations Buck had given him.

Buck kept murmuring in his ear gentle words as he came down from the high, kissing his jaw, his cheeks, his nose, temples, forehead, peppering love in every touch. Once Eddie got himself under control, he moved his heavy arms to hug Buck back, feeling completely slacked and warm.

A few moments later, Buck propped himself on his shoulders and looked straight into Eddie’s eyes. 

“How was that?” he asked, even though the answer was pretty clear. 

And even so, Eddie answered, “mind blowing.”

Buck smiled, but something about it told Eddie the conversation wasn’t over yet. His expression turned serious, and Eddie braced himself for whatever was to come. 

“I’ve noticed you held yourself back.” Ah. “I know why you did that, I know you, Edmundo Diaz, but you aren’t going to hurt me, or make me enjoy this less. And I want you to feel good just as you make me. So let me, and let yourself enjoy.”

His throat closed up and he nodded. Buck really did know him, and he felt so goddamn lucky.

“I love you.” he croaked out.

Buck’s smile turned gentle. “I love you too.” 

-

The first thing Eddie felt when he opened his eyes, heavy with sleep, was a warm touch to his face.

It took him a few moments to orient himself and shake away the grogginess, but he soon realized the warmth originated from a couple of shy sun rays that woke him from his slumber.

The second thing he felt was a light cold breeze streaming around the room from a window that was creaked open. The curtains covered mostly all of the windows, and it swayed as the breeze flowed naturally through it.

And the third thing he felt was the weight of an arm around his hips and a broad hand cupping his flanks. The owner, Eddie huffed fondly, wanted to make sure Eddie couldn’t escape before waking up, it seemed.

His brown eyes lazily wandered over the man lying on his front next to him. Unlike last night, his attention took delight in memorizing every detail, every little movement without the hungry touches of their lust. He could still remember the brief discomfort between him and Buck that lasted seconds before their clothes disappeared from the picture. But now, like it did on that moment, his heart recognized the person right in front of him, who not only was the man he was in love with, but also his best friend.

His one.

So he let his heart take the reins, let his bones and muscles go with his impulses, let it take control.

Eddie hesitated before his hands could touch Buck’s face, stopping himself midair. He looked so peaceful in his sleep, and Eddie didn’t want to change that, not when he was so sure Buck deserved more time sleeping. Yet his desires and hunger for contact betrayed him, and before long, his fingers were tangled around the messy, blond curls, so different from the usual gel he puts in his hair for work. Slowly, his hand fell to the birthmark on his temple, staring in awe for a couple of seconds, not yet believing he was allowed to touch. Then came the few days old stubble, and his fingers grazed over it gently, and the moment was only broken when a smile slowly broke in Buck’s lips.

“How long have you been awake?” Eddie asked, letting his own smile grow as those sleepy blue eyes found his.

“How long have you been watching me?” Buck asked back, giggling as Eddie sniffed indignated. Buck’s arms brought Eddie closer to him.

“I was watching you drool while you slept.” Eddie pointed out, laughing loud as he saw the disgusted face Buck pulled, as he cleaned his chin with his free hand.

“Rude. God, you’re the worst.”

Buck rolled his eyes and shifted until he was also on his side, facing Eddie completely, now more awakened. There was a brief silence shared comfortably between them. “Hey, you.”

“Hey.” Eddie answered, watching Buck back. “How’re you?”

“I feel like I should be the one asking that.” His hand caressed Eddie’s stomach, his touch soft. “I’m fine. Happy.”

“Yeah?” he searched for the veracity of those words, even though he knew Buck wouldn’t lie about this. His heart squeezed warmingly, thinking back to yesterday. The night had been just as special to Buck as it had been to him, and now his eyes urged to shift lower, to gaze over the body, now covered in sheets, he was allowed to touch. “I’m happy too.”

Buck leaned on his forearm, searching for something himself and seeming to find it as his rosy lips broke into another smile. Those same lips surged forward, looking for Eddie’s, and he sighed in the kiss, melting against Buck as if, with each kiss, he surrendered more and more.

Eddie felt his inside bubbling happily, and he pressed their foreheads together contently, nuzzling Buck’s nose with his and breathing in.

“Do you think we can make the first day of the year productive?” Eddie asked, letting his hands roam down Buck’s shoulder blades in no rush, caressing his broad back.

Buck, ever so innocent after the night they had, frowned, scratching his head and messing even further his hair.

“I don’t know, I only thought I could make you some breakfast and then-” he felt Eddie’s warm hands over his naked ass. “Oh.”

The innocent expression morphed into surprise, fascination and enchantment with a snap of a finger. Discarding the sheets from their body and letting it pool on the edge of the bed, Buck did a quick work of getting on top of Eddie, connecting their hips together. They were both furiously red on the face, but that didn’t stop Buck from murmuring against his mouth, low and sensual.

“Alright, Diaz, show me what you got.” 

-

**January the 26th, 1980, Los Angeles**

Parking his green beetle on his usual parking spot on the fire house, Buck got out of his car, oddly refreshed after only one day off after a 24h shift. As it was to be imagined, LA didn’t stop a second after the festivities ended, and the city bustled with tourists and locals.

As a side effect, there were emergencies of all types going around like crazy in the city over the last few weeks, and Buck grabbed whatever break he could. He loved his job, it was his true passion, but he wasn’t naive to the point of not realizing he had one of the most dangerous and exhaustives jobs out there.

He sauntered inside with a happy spring on his steps, still replaying the prior day absentmindedly, but ready for a new day even so. He had spent the day with his Diaz boys, and there was nothing in the world better than that. Buck hadn’t noticed any radical changes on his relationship with Eddie, aside from the fun stuff, which was basically lots of kissing and sex, even if they were taking baby steps with that one. The trust, the desire and the love were stronger than ever before, and that only prepared him for the fights and discussions they might have in the future.

However, Buck had been suspicious as he was curious while he had observed Eddie over the day yesterday, who’d been distant, trying to calm Buck’s nerves with an easy smile, which was unlike him and his usual comfortable posture, even after a long day at work.

Chris had been fast asleep between them on the couch, and Buck had moved to ask Eddie what was wrong, searching for an answer on his face, but Eddie only rolled his eyes and smiled. He had said it was getting late and that he had a long day at work tomorrow (which was today).

So, trusting his word, Buck let it slide for the time being. And he would, unless the situation got alarming-

“Buckaroo, are you walking on Earth or is your head stuck in the clouds?” Hen yelped and dodged before Buck could bump into her. She was still on her civilian clothes, so she probably just arrived. “You thinking about this year’s calendar?”

Buck shook his head, a shy smile on his lips.

“Sorry, Hen, I was really far away from here. And I’m not worried about the calendar, I know I’ll win.” His smile turned slightly arrogant as he made his way to the loft, frowning in confusion when he didn’t see the captain on his usual spot. “Where’s Bobby?”

Hen’s eyes shone behind her glasses to somewhere behind Buck.

“You mean the one standing behind you?”

Buck almost jumped on his feet as he turned and saw Bobby only a couple of inches ahead of him, eyeing Buck with narrowed eyes, even if his lips were slightly turned up in a contained smile. He held a clipboard in hands, and to Buck’s dismay, Bobby shook his head and marked something on it. Chim joined them a few moments later, looking at them with a playful smile.

“Very well, guys.” Bobby looked between them, and that look told Buck Bobby had news for them. “As you know, in the beginning of this year we had some cuts, a few firefighters were transferred to other stations, other cities and so on. Because of that, today we’ll be introduced to our new member.”

Buck felt his heart drumming wildly inside his chest. He could tell by the three pairs of eyes on him that he could barely hide his excitement. His stomach flipped with anticipation. 

And then everyone’s attention turned to a point over Buck’s shoulders. 

“Ok, that’s a handsome man.” Chim was the first to speak, with a knowing smile in place.

“Where’s the lie, and I like girls.” Hen agreed, her eyes approving the new member. But there was something missing on their gaze, something kin to curiosity when you met someone new. Instead Buck only saw admiration and recognition.

Buck could barely hear the sounds around him, couldn’t take his eyes from Bobby, waiting for the moment this dream would fade back into reality. But Bobby’s expression was light as he smiled at the new member of the 118.

“Number one of his class, graduated recently. He served in Afghanistan as an army doctor. He has a silver star, so he’s not inexperienced.” Bobby scratched something on his clipboard and turned his satisfied expression to Buck, speaking in a teasing tone. “He likes to be called _Six Pack._ I think he’s a strong competitor for this year’s calendar.”

Hen and Chim moved away giggling at their own teasing. Bobby left a moment later with a small tapping on Buck’s shoulder. Buck breathed in a long breath and gathered all his will to turn around just in time to catch the new member putting on his LAFD t-shirt. The uniform shirt came right after, and, with skilled fingers, he buttoned it up easily. His brown hair was shorter, yet messy still. He ran a hand through it, getting it in place, even if a few rebel strands fell back on his face.

Buck’s heart hurt as he watched the easy interaction happening between the new member and his colleagues, happily greeting him in the locker room. It was maybe too soon when everyone left, and those brown eyes that were following Buck’s team as they walked away, snapped out of it. They fell on Buck, like there was a magnetic force pulling them together, and Buck couldn’t get the disbelief off his face.

The man crossed the glass doors completely relaxed and with a confidence that Buck envied, for a first day in the job. They stood face to face, and Buck would be alarmed by the serious expression the man sported if it weren’t for the mirth in his eyes.

The recruit extended his hand, greeting Buck formally, and Buck felt the familiar weight of his hand against his.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Buckley.” The man smiled like he wasn’t responsible for the earthquake happening inside of Evan. “I heard only good things about you. I think we’ll get along very well.”

And so, his polite smile turned into something more intimate, one of a kind. And that smile, like it always did, stole Buck’s breath away.

“I’d say we can even become partners.” Buck finally found his voice, and his lips turned up in a smile.

“I bet so, yes.” If his new colleague and future partner was about to say something else, Buck wouldn’t know, because the alarm went off that instant, and both snapped out of it.

Giving one last look in Buck's direction, both walked side by side towards the trucks, preparing themselves for the beginning of a new chapter of their lives.

Reflecting on the windows on the truck as the light shone through, the surname Diaz was highlighted fleetingly on the new member’s uniform.


End file.
